


I'm In Love With A Killer

by Scourgey_My_Dear (Satoru0829)



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Abuse, All the Abuse!, And Now I Am Like "What The Hell Is That?!", Autobiographic Parts, Be Careful What You Wish For, Bittersweet Ending, But Hey That Proves All The Prejudice About Fanfiction, But I'd Willingly Change It Into A MSTing, Character Death, Could Almost Be Considered A Crackfic, Cussing, Dark, Death, Demons, Emotional Hurt, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Every Canon Cat Is Totally OOC, F/M, First Chapters Written Ages Ago, Foreshadowing, Forgive Me, Happy Ending for one Single Pairing, Homophobia, How do I tag this thing?, Hurt No Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Feel Sorry For The Canon, I Guess I Won't Lay My Hands Onto This Again After Finishing, I Made Myself Cry, I Really Am Disgusting, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Mpreg, Kinda, Look At Me Adding Tags Like Crazy, M/M, Master/Slave, Murder, My Own Story Makes Me Aggressive, Nekomimi Characters, Nightmares, Own Character PoV, Parent/Child Incest, Pedophilia, Please Come To My Protagonist's Funeral After I Murdered Her, Please Don't Kill Me, Probably Poor English, Regret, Satan here I come, Self-Sacrifice, Sexual Abuse, Singing, Squick, Suicide Attempt, The Author Regrets Everything, This Is STUPID, Triggers, Underage - Freeform, Verbal Abuse, What Was I Thinking?, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 17,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satoru0829/pseuds/Scourgey_My_Dear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anne is a fourteen years old girl that loves reading "Warriors". And some of her dreams seem to come true when she's late for school one day and gets called by a certain cat. But is the life that she starts living really so perfect?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Terrible Things

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. The first few chapters are really lovely... nothing bad happens to poor Anne. So don't be surprised. And not to confuse anyone:  
> "This is said"  
>  _This is thought_  
>  Enjoy this piece of (later) sick shit if you're able to! Oh, and nothing in this fic is intended to sound homophobic or something like that, even though it might appear like that. I just invented a terrible character.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prologue. Anne suffers from the interest she gained in a certain couple.

"They went away, together in love, forever." Aw how cute. I could eat up my mobile of angriness!! I smile sadly. _This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been so curious... About Scourge x Ashfur._

All started when I've seen a video on the Internet. One with a title of 'Scourge x Ashfur'. All I thought was: _Scourge in love? Aaaaawwww, how cute!!_ I really loved that video and wanted to find out more about this theme. So I bought 'The Rise of Scourge'. I really enjoyed that manga from the first to the last picture, but I was surprised that I saw Ashfur (well, I thought it was Ashfur) in only one picture. Now I became really very curious, also because of some dreams I had. In those dreams Scourge and I were a couple... So, I googled 'warriors scourge x ashfur time'. The first things I found were some really disgusting and perverted things that made me kinda sick. So I looked for more information.

And now I know one thing more.

Scourge is gay.

Why is he??? I can't believe it. I really can't. Whose idea was that, dammit?!

I'm really unhappy about this news and go to bed early today. Maybe the world is different tomorrow.

_Oh yes, it will be. And dogs will be able to fly tomorrow._


	2. Love Makes Life Sweeter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne makes first contact with ... certain persons. Certain cats, to make it correct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I almost died correcting this thing! Q_Q It was written two years ago, when I was in my second year learning English... and yeah... I guess it's visible. German six-graders writing english stories are horrible! *sobs* Beware of total OOCness. It's really ... ngh. I ran out of words to describe it. *facepalms* Try to enjoy, please~

When I go to school the next day, I still feel depressed. The only thing I want to know is how my friends will react when I tell them about Scourge. About gay Scourge. I still don’t want to believe it. Why is it like this?!

I take a look at my watch...

...just to get a shock! It’s ten minutes to eight... lesson starts at a quarter to eight.  _What the fuck...?_  I rush along the streets.  _Hurry up! Hurry up!!!_ At a forest I look at my watch again: eight o’clock. Shit.

I want to run on, but then a voice makes me stop: "Anne!"

I stand quiet and don't move a muscle. I know this voice, it's high like crashing ice. How perfect. "Y-yes...? It's me...," I stutter.

"So come here, please."

_This is surreal! I'm still dreaming..._  I only need one second to remember one of the stories. It’s like Ashfur who went into a cave and met the sex monster whose name is...

_Oh dear._  I turn around and walk towards the forest although I’m really scared. What's going to happen now...?

I don’t realize that I change into a cat. A light brown cat with green eyes. I’m Brick.

What a danger.

Eyes appear in the darkness around me. Eyes, blue like ice...

I make a face. “Uhm... hello, Scourge.”

“Hello.” He walks deeper into the forest, with me by his side.

All the time I’m really careful. He’s much stronger than I am, and he's always able to... ew. I won’t say that.

Scourge looks at me. “Well, well. Long time no see. - Anne, I know about you. Do you think I’m gay? And please tell me what you really think. Stay calm. Just don’t lie.”

_Uh-oh... this isn’t good. I can’t tell him what I really think..._  “Er... n-no, Scourge, what do you think about me?! Of course I don’t think you’re gay!,” I murmur.

“Of course.” Scourge smiles. “I didn’t expect you to say something else. - Really, I know you believe it. Again: You think I’m gay, don’t you? Please don’t lie this time. I won’t hurt you if you tell me your real opinion.”

I can’t act any longer. “Yes. I do,” I whisper.

“I’ve known it.” Scourge laughs. “I know that you think I’m gay. But you know what? I’m not. Not really.” He gently kisses my cheek.

I smile. Being with him isn’t such a bad thing... “Thank you, Scourge.” I almost have to beat myself not to say ‘Scourgey’. Suddenly I remember something... “And what’s about Ashfur?”

“Oh yes, Ashfur...,” Scourge smiles. “Heh. Yes... i-it’s true, we were a couple... but... I could never love him as much as I love you... and he knows it. Well, that’s what I mean by I’m not really gay.”

I can see him blushing under his fur. That’s looking so cute... “Aww... you’re so adorable when you’re shy...,” I meow, and after thinking a second I end, “...Scourgey.”

“Uhm... thanks?” It is obvious that Scourge doesn’t know what to say.

“You’re welcome, my dear. Didn’t your mom call you that, too?”

“Oh yes, she always called me ‘my dear’... or ‘Tiny’, of course. I see you know my past very well.” Scourge smiles in a pretty attractive way.

“Hello, Scourge.” A voice makes him turn quiet.

“Oh... hello, Ashfur. How are you?” Scourge looks at his ex boyfriend.

“Uhm, I’m … fine. That’s Anne, isn’t she? I think we should change her name...,” Ashfur meows.

Scourge looks at me. “Ashfur is right. May I call you Brick?”

I return his lovely gaze. “Of course you may. You changed your name, too, remember, Scourgey?” I put my chin onto his shoulder.

“Of course I remember,” Scourge purrs. He lays his head onto my neck.

“Oh yes Scourge. It was like this with us, too, remember? When we both were younger...” Ashfur looks at us with a smile.

“Arrrh... yes! I remember, Ashfur!!! Those were nice times when we both were gay as hell, yeah, but may you be quiet now, please?” When he says this, Scourge’s voice turns a bit lower and he's audibly grumpy.

“ **Of course**  I will,” Ashfur hisses. I look at him kinda worried. There are tears in his eyes. He turns around and runs deep into the forest.

“Uh... Scourge? Wasn’t that a little too heavy? You know, it isn’t his fault that he is gay. It seems as if he loves you much more than you love him...” I almost feel sorry for Ashfur.

“Yes, I think so. I’m really afraid that he’s much more gay than I am... Yes, I love him a little. But … you are the love of my life.” Scourge looks into the forest, then he turns his head to me. His eyes are sparkling...

“Scourge? What the heck...?,” I ask.

Suddenly he throws me onto my back. First I get a shock, but then Scourge appears on top of me. “Hey. Our time is right,” Scourge simply states and kisses my lips. I don’t protest. He’s right... our time is definitely right. I’m really surprised how ... right being so close to Scourge feels. It’s much better than being a twoleg pupil.

Scourge steps off me, and I get up. “Hey, Scourgey...,” I smile. Really can’t believe I recently thought he’s gay.


	3. A Murderer Out There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you see Ashfur?"

“I’m really worried now. Do you know where Ashy is?,” Scourge asks a few days later.

“Ashy???,” I repeat very surprised.

Scourge blushes. “Oh, that’s just a name for Ashfur I use when I’m scared or worried. I also called him 'Ashy' when we were going out. - Do you know where he is?,” he asks again.

I shake my head. “No, I don’t. I didn’t see him for quite a while...”

“Oh dear. I think we should search ‘im. Maybe something bad happened...,” Scourge states. I just look at him sceptically. Scourge returns my gaze. “What’s up? What would you do if he was an important cat in your past?”

“Uhm – I would search him, I guess,” I sigh with a soft smile.

“So let’s lose no time. Come with me.” Scourge runs into the woods and I follow him.

We don’t have to walk a long time until I spot something. “Scourgey... look at that...” My heart beats heavily. There's something gray behind a few little trees. Something gray with fur... I swallow heavily and step closer.

Then I stand by "its" side. Shock flashes through my veins.

It really is Ashfur.

His fur is blood-soaked, the dry blood appears mixed with earth in a disgusting way. He lays on his right side. _Ashfur..._ His eyes are half opened, but they’re looking into the nothing and seem to be empty and lifeless.  _What happened to you...?_

Suddenly a loud cry. “Ashfur!!!” Scourge runs over and falls to the ground next to the body. He starts licking Ashfur’s fur – to give him new life, maybe...

I lay down next to him and look at Ashfur sadly. “Scourge... we can’t do anything. He … he is dead.”

“No!,” Scourge hisses. “He’s alive! He **must** be alive!”

I feel his words like a cut inside my heart. “Oh, so you still love him, eh?”

“It isn’t...!” Scourge sighs. “Well, what would you do if he was your ex boyfriend? I’ve already told you about that recently!!”

“I don’t-,” I start, but then suddenly a voice comes to my ears...

“Scourge...” Ashfur opens his eyes a little more. He really sounds weak... “Just … don’t be worried … because of … me…”

“Ashfur, no...,” Scourge whispers. “Be quiet. Don’t talk. You might need all your strength for different things...” After thinking a short time he finishes, “Ashy, shh. Stay calm.”

Ashfur smiles weakly. “I still know when you said that last … Those were nice times... when... we both were... endlessly gay, but... may you be quiet now … please? ‘Cause I … know … who did this...”

“Ashfur, don’t say that. I needn’t know who did it, just stay alive!” Tears shimmer in Scourge’s eyes when he says this.

“Oh yes … you … need … to … know … it.” Ashfur almost can’t breathe anymore. “It … was … *gasp*claw...!” Then Ashfur turns quiet.

_What-claw? Gulp... was it **Tigerclaw** maybe...?_ “StarClan may help ‘im,” I pray.

Scourge looks from Ashfur to me, from me to Ashfur and again from Ashfur to me. Then he shouts: “He’s still alive! I **piss** on StarClan’s mercy!!!”

“Scourge! Don’t say that!” I’m shocked.

“Why not? StarClan doesn’t exist. When we we die, we become part of the whole wide world. Believin’ in StarClan is just for little kitties,” Scourge explains. “StarClan doesn’t help; it’s just a miracle if cats - like Firestar and other leaders and assholes - get nine lives-”

“And so do I, Scourgey,” Ashfur states at that moment. “The old one is my second lost live.” He touches Scourge’s nose lovingly with his.

 Scourge blushes again. I see him look at me nervously for a short moment. I know I maybe should be angry, but I’m not. So I nod in agreement. This moment might be really embarrassing for Scourge, so I won’t be angry with ‘im. It isn’t his fault that Ashfur loves him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just consuming too much of gore, blood and death at the moment. Thank Apollo I finished this. XD;


	4. A Shocking Little Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blah blah blah. Brick and Scourge talking about the murderer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beware. This is so boring, you might die of it.

When Scourge and I are alone for a moment, I tell him what I think. “Scourge, I – I think Ashfur’s murderer is … uhm … Tigerclaw.”

“I don’t know any cat called Tigerclaw. Who's that?,” Scourge wonders.

 “Oh, you know him,” I reply, remembering _Bluestar’s Prophecy_ and _The Rise of Scourge_. “I think you should know this name: Tigerpaw.”  
 “Tigerpaw?? Oh yes, I remember him much better than I welcome it.” Scourge smiles angrily. “We mean the same Tigerpaw, don’t we? My almost murderer?”

“Oh yes, we mean the same cat. We do. I don’t know any other mousebrain cats whose name is somethingclaw...”  _...apart from Mudclaw. But he isn’t as evil as Tigerclaw. And Brambleclaw’ll never do things like those somethingclaw did..._  I smile at Scourge shyly. His beauty still makes me nervous.

Scourge kisses my cheek. “We’ll maybe see...”

 I get a bit of a shock. What does he mean by that...?


	5. Too Late...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick shouldn't have entered that cave ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhmmm... yeah, **okay**... after re-reading this now, I'm like: "What the hell were I thinking two years ago?" That's just creepy. I'm scared of myself. o_o'

The next day I’m walking through the forest. I’m on the move on my own ‘cause I need time to think about the cat who "happened" to Ashfur.

 Suddenly it starts to rain.  _I should search a refuge!_ So I walk fast and faster ‘till I arrive at a cave.  _Good. Very good._ I enter the cave and look into the rain.

It becomes more and more, and the cave becomes darker and darker. Fear slowly starts crawling up my spine.

 “Hey, you there.” A voice makes me turn towards the shadows. Green eyes appear there and I can't seem to look away again. “Yes, you.” The eyes sparkle oddly. “Just c’mere.”

“Why should I? First I want to know who you are,” I refuse firmly.

“I’m a friend,” the voice sounds monotone and hypnotic now.  _No! That’s just a trick – this might be the murderer...!_ “C’mere, cute. I won’t hurt you at all.”  _I'm not so sure about that..._

I didn’t expect what happens now. The cat jumps out of the shadows, throws me onto my stomach and gets on top of me. It pushes my head onto the ground with one front paw so that I can’t see who he or she is.

 “Leave me alone!,” I shout full of fear.

“Aww, you needn’t be scared. Nothing bad happens...” The other cat interrupts itself with an evil laughter. “...to me!” It scratches my back open with long, sharp claws and I scream of pain. But not only because of the wounds...

“Very sensible, ain’t you, dear?” He or she gives me more wounds. “Needn’t be. Hey, you’ll never forget me, will you?”

  _Of course I won’t, asshole!_ In contrary to the cat on top of me, I don’t enjoy the sight of my blood surrounding me.  _What part of his past might make Tigerclaw weak...?_  Suddenly I remember something...“You-” Another big pain makes me scream again. Shortly after this one more. That’s when I start to ignore it. “Mousebrain!,” I yell. “Wanna let me die although I’m much younger than you?”

He stops hurting me for a moment in surprise.

Before he can go on, I repeat, “Wanna let me die although I’m much younger than you... just like your sisters?”

 Shocked, he pushes my head onto the ground much harder. “That – that wasn’t my fault!,” he stutters. But then his voice changes into an evilly amused tone. “But it’s too late to whine about her death – and it’s too late for you, too!”

With these words he disappears.  _It’s too late for me? What does that mean...?_  I suddenly know it when I see how much blood I've lost. Oh yes, it’s too late for me. I give up and wait for death to come.

After a bit of time, there is no more pain. It becomes quiet around me and everything turns dark...


	6. All He Wants Is Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick isn't really dead, is she ...?

“Brick! Brick!! Oh Brick, who did this cruelty?!,” I hear someone scream. It might be Scourge, but I’m not sure. Everything seems so far away...

I feel how someone starts licking my fur. “Oh Brick... please don’t leave me. I love you,” the voice tells me. “I had so big hopes for going out with you... even if Ashfur would've loved me, we could have been together forever. I know this doesn’t change anything, but... please take care of her, StarClan.” He gently kisses my lips.

 I slowly open my eyes. “Uh … Scourge...”

 “Brick?!” Scourge's mouth gaps open. “Y-you’re alive!? How is that possible?”

 I smile weakly. “I... I don’t know. I thought I was dead as well, but … as you can see … I’m not.”

 “Who did this to you, Brick?,” Scourge asks in a super upset way. “Who was it? I thought I lost you! All I want is revenge!!” He licks his lips. I think he’s tasting his enemy’s blood in his mouth already. And I know the answer to his question.

“It was-” I hesitate. _Was it really Tigerclaw? I only thought he was it. But I don’t know anything apart from that._ Finally I murmur, “It was Tigerclaw, I guess.”

 “Tigerclaw. Oh, this... this... I don’t know any words for him!! But I know one thing: His death is close. Closer than he thinks, that's for sure. Because I am his death. I’ve already taken one life from that loser Firestar, and I wanna do something more difficult. A good example of that is … killing Tigerclaw. My deadly desire for revenge is awake again!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm back from a ... quite long break from updating!  
> So well, you see, I'm still enjoying my summer vacation. Only more or less great weather, but as we all know - it's Germany. And living in Germany is **super** annoying, I promise. Most of all when you get to scan through another one of your old english chapters and notice you didn't even have knowledge of basical grammar constructions. -.- The worst things in this chapter were "Scourge seems wondering" and, worst of all, "We had could been together forever". Just what the heck was that about?!  
>  But at least, throwing this into Google Translate English > German had really amusing results. One of my catchphrases, "Wer hat die Grausamkeit, Backstein?", has its origins here. I'd like to explain it to you, but in English, the joke really gets lost. Sorry. D:  
> It's 1:20 AM where I live, so I'll quit this and go to bed. Wish you all a nice day / night / whatever.
> 
> Cheers!  
> KumikoSagan666
> 
> PS: Yes, I definitely regret the fact that Brick's still alive. Hopefully, that is gonna change. You don't need to visit her funeral, really.


	7. Heavy Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just the wimpy things that go on in Brick'a head.

Now I’m really afraid. Not only because of this gangster claw who is running around in the forest. I know that Scourge wants to kill Tigerclaw as well – and I’m scared he's going to kill the wrong one.

I know Tigerclaw didn’t do this. But who else could be a murderer? Who else has got ice in his veins that's cold enough to do such things? Ice that can’t melt...?

 And don’t tell me about Scourge! Sometimes his blood seems to be made of ice, but the ice in his veins is able to melt. The murderer’s isn’t.

 And who’s a full-time losing murderer like this...? I mean, he must think he's killed two cats so far – Ashfur and me – but we're both still alive. But maybe the next cat will die...

  _We have to do something soon!!_


	8. Love Is A Murderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick and Scourge are walking through the forest and make an encounter with ...

The next day Scourge and I walk through the forest. My body still aches a little, but I think it’s better if we stay together.  _Yes_ , Scourge might be able to fight the other cat. But he’s much smaller.

 At this moment there’s a sound in the plants and...

 Suddenly a cat jumps at Scourge who screams in shock. It throws him onto his stomach and gets on top of him.

 I almost can't stand it to watch.

 But suddenly I see who this cat is - it's Thistleclaw! “No! Thistleclaw! This - this is impossible! You should be dead...,” I gasp. My memories return and I feel all the pain I've felt when I met him before. I've thought he was Tigerclaw. Oh, how wrong I was...

 He smiles wholly evil. “Oh yeah? As you can see, nothing is impossible.”

I hate him, I really hate him. He makes me sick. But there’s another feeling I’ve got – and I try to ignore…

Scourge bares his teeth and tries to throw Thistleclaw off him. “Leave me alone, you disgusting bisexual something!!"

“Aww... I thought you were gay? So why don’t you enjoy me...?” A sickening laughter escapes Thistleclaw's lips.

 I can see Scourge’s eyes widen in shock. “No … I... I’m not,” he stutters.

 “Oh no? Of course you are, cutie.” Thistleclaw smiles. **Again.**

My heart beats heavily as if it wants to break my ribs. But is it really just the panic that makes it beat like that...?

 Thistleclaw tears Scourge's skin open with his claws, my lover's tortured scream almost makes my ears bleed. “Scourgey my dear,” Thistleclaw whispers, “We’ve got a great future.” He lovingly kisses Scourge's cheek.

 “That’s enough, mousebrain!!,” Scourge yells. He turns onto his back, but Thistleclaw is really quick. He's still standing over Scourge whose eyes gleam with fear for a moment.

 Thistleclaw forces Scourge into another kiss. _This cat is horrible...!_ The expression in the icy blue eyes changes into anger.

Thistleclaw looks at him. “Oh Scourge, who will get angry just because of this...?,” he asks.

 “Thistleclaw...,” Scourge smiles one of his amazing smiles. “You have to know that I’m able to scratch out your eyes. Or I’m able to make you kiss nobody anymore forever. But I’m able to tell you  _I love you_ , too. And I’m able to lie. What do you think I wanna do?”

 Thistleclaw looks into Scourge’s eyes. “I don’t know you that well. But I hope you’ll tell me that you love me.”

 Scourge looks back into Thistleclaw’s eyes. Slowly, he takes one paw away from the ground and comes closer to Thistleclaw’s face with his... “Well, of course I won’t scratch out your beautiful eyes, my dear. And of course I won’t tell lies to you...”

 I stare at them super worriedly. It seems as if Scourge has somehow fallen in love with Thistleclaw. _That can’t be...!_

 Now Scourge and Thistleclaw almost touch each other with their noses. Scourge’s paw is almost under Thistleclaw’s chin. “And I won’t kill you, of course... I love you,” he whispers.

  _No!!_  I get a shock. _Why? **Why?** That can’t be! Please awake me, StarClan!!_

“Oh Thistleclaw, I’m a killer. But of course I'd never be able to kill you, would I...?” Scourge puts his white paw under Thistleclaw’s chin and kisses his lips for a short moment. Suddenly he breaks the kiss and stares at his ... new lover in a strange way.

 “Hey, what’s up, dear?” Thistleclaw asks.

 Scourge’s eyes narrow and I see the dogs’ teeth on his claws shine in the sunlight.  _Uh-oh..._  A smirk crosses his lips. “Of course I won’t kill you. Or maybe – I rather will!”

 Thistleclaw looks at him, quickly realizing the situation, with shock beginning to show up in his eyes.

 “I see you understood me.” Scourge bluntly rips open Thistleclaw's throat. The murdered murderer’s blood soaks Scourge’s black fur, and after struggling helplessly to survive, his corpse sinks down onto his killer's body. “Oh yes. Bye bye, my precious idiot,” Scourge states with a smug smile.

He gets up and doesn't care about Thistleclaw any longer. He walks towards me and gazes into my eyes. “That was a murderer once. Acting well is everything.” By instinct, I step back a bit.

Scourge smiles at me in a friendly way. “ **You**  needn’t be scared, Brick.” Before I can do anything, he does one large step. Then he's by my side and kisses me, holding me next to him with one front paw.

 I lose all my fear and allow the kiss.  _How could I ever be scared of him?_  There’s another thought I ignore as good as I'm able to:  _How could I ever be scared of Thistleclaw?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya. Another crappy chapter corrected. It was terrible. Once again.  
> I don't know why, but Thistleclaw's behavior in this fanfic reminds me of Ferid Bathory from Owari no Seraph. Probably just because I'm desperately looking for similarities with other fandoms though.  
> And did I already mention that one of my friends really likes this kind of Thistleclaw? I have no idea why, but she does. Oh well.


	9. Frightening News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick has odd dreams ... and then there's Ashfur who tells her something important.

A few weeks later I lay down in my den and sigh. Now Thistleclaw died quite a while ago, and I still remember him. I remember him well … too well.

I close my eyes and fall asleep.

 In my dream, I awake in the Dark Forest. I notice a dark gray cat walking along a small path. Thistleclaw.

 He disappears and I look up into the starless sky. Why do I feel so sad? I remember how he hurt me but ...I'm not angry with him. I should be! I really should be!!

 Suddenly sadness overwhelms me and I can't hold back any longer. “Thistleclaw!!!,” I yowl. “Stay with me!!!”

 I wake up because something makes a gentle contact with my shoulder. “Scourge?” I turn my head towards the cat. No. It's Ashfur.

 “Hello, Brick.” He gives me a shy little smile.

  _Please don't love me, Ashfur_ , I pray quietly.

 Ashfur looks at me. “I ... I have to tell you something. I know you like Thistleclaw more than you want. But you really should forget him 'cause ... please don't get mad now ... you're pregnant.”

I gasp, “What?! Ashfur, why do you know this...? How are you able to know all of that?!” I’m shocked. _I must be still dreaming...!_

 “Er ... m-maybe I should tell you a secret.” Ashfur looks at me with a mix of being gentle, sad and patient. “You know Scourge and I were a couple and - I still don't know how it was possible, but - I became pregnant and we had kits together. We don't know what happened, but one day they were ... gone! We couldn't find them anywhere! After that Scourge and I split up. I'm still unable to stop loving him, but maybe it was better that way.” Ashfur seems to become really upset when he remembers this. “I don't know who's your kits' father, but I hope it's Scourge. I really hope it for you, dear.” With these words Ashfur gets up and walks away.

 “Ashfur! Wait!,” I yell, but he doesn't come back. This can’t be!! I’m upset as hell. All I want is get rid of this. But not now. I can be patient...

I’m so upset that I want to get rid of everything. Get rid of gentle Ashfur. Get rid of the kits. Get rid of Scourge. Get rid of my life.

  _All I want is to **die**!!_

 And to be with Thistleclaw...?

 Suddenly Scourge appears in front of me, a shimmer of love in his eyes. “Hey, Brick. I’ve just heard of our kits. Are you alright?”

 I don’t know what to say. Finally I murmur, “I think so...”

“You think so? What do you mean by that?,” Scourge wants to know.

 I take a quick glance at him. No, I really can’t leave him. Not yet... “Um … I – I’m not sure if I want kits...”

 Scourge smiles awkwardly. “I’m neither. But I'm sure you'd be a good mother...” He stops. I gaze deeply into his eyes. There’s only one sad question in this endless blue:  _And I’m not sure if I am the kits’ real father. But who else should it be...?_

 “Thank you.” My voice sounds cold although I don’t want it. “And you might be a good father.”

“Thanks.” Scourge doesn’t smile any longer. For less than one second he pecks my cheek, then he leaves.

  _What happened to us...?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm. So. Fucking. Tired.  
> Brick is an annoying little something that's too stupid to notice she's pregnant, and the whole story just appears like the typical kind of "girl is raped and ends up enjoying it"-hentai... My mind is really sick when life starts stinking again.  
>  **Just what the hell was it that happened in this part?!** *cough* Sorry. It's 02:25 AM, I might be a little drunk and my mind is really fuzzy.  
>  I'll shut my mouth now.~


	10. Kill Me, I'm In Love!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick has a really naughty dream.

_“C’mere, cutie...,” A cat calls me. “Remember me? I know you like me more than you wish to admit it.”_

_I open my eyes. “What do you want?”_

_Thistleclaw tries to catch my gaze, but I keep it locked on the ground. “I wanna talk to you.”_

_“But **I** don’t wanna talk to **you**!,” I cry out. “Leave me alone!”_

_“Hey, dear, stay calm. We can’t get on without each other. You also know that.” Thistleclaw approaches me a little more._

_I turn my back on him. “I want to be able to get on without you. What else should I do? You are dead. I wouldn't care even if your ghost imploded or something like that. I don’t love you and I never will.”_

_“But we are more than just good friends, you see,” Thistleclaw sighs._

_“ **I don't want to see!!** ,” I yell. Again I start to cry. Sobbing and hiccupping, I get out, “I'm going to give birth to some kits and I don’t know who their father is. I'm possibly going to fall in love with you and I don’t want it. I would welcome being a twoleg again and I’m not able to be. Do you think my future is easy?!”_

_“Do you think my **past** is easy?,” Thistleclaw asks more or less patiently. “My sister Sweetpaw died and you've used it to give me a shock. But I'm still able to love you.”_

_“You really **may** get a shock from time to time!,” I shout._

_“Oh, really? Am I that evil?” Thistleclaw is standing next to me now. He holds me in place with one paw under my chin. He comes closer and closer to my face... “Tell you something, Brick: I'll love you forever and a day. And you will soon see who your kits’ father is.” He kisses my lips._

_I can barely stand it. I’m not Scourge, I’m not able to kiss him to kill him._

_All I am able to is … letting him kiss me. I’m not able to help myself._

_And that is terrible._

 

 I awaken from my dream with a ball of ice in my stomach. I didn’t expect it, but suddenly I’ve got a feeling for getting revenge.

 I want revenge.

**Revenge.**

 It can wait to make my own life stop. First another person has to get killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Hey guys!!  
> Now my life (a.k.a. my summer vacation) is basically over... =w= Another year of school will start in, like, eight hours, and school is able to damage my life. I really feel that I'll need psychological care again in a few months. Oh well, no, I am not normal.  
> But this might also be good news: The basics of the story are finished. In my mind. Now all I have to do is find a way to write it down without making it too bloody. (Yeah, my father looked at me quite weirdly when I walked up the stairs laughing like a maniac and loudly screaming, **"Death! Gore! Blood! Splatter!"** He should be used to such things though.)  
>  That's it. I'm gonna go to sleep now. Bye~!


	11. Close To Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick awakens by a scream. Who was it?

 “ **No**!! Leave me alone!,” a voice screams and I'm immediately awake.  _Wasn’t that Ashfur?!_ Again: “Leave me alone!!” Suddenly I remember something I've read in the books – how Ashfur died.

I run out of the den as quickly as I can without stumbling, and then I see that I was right: I see Hollyleaf standing in front of Ashfur … and Ashfur standing between her and a tree.

 Hollyleaf’s paw is raised from the ground ready to rip his throat out. “You needn’t shout. Well – what’s so bad about getting killed? Especially getting killed by **me**!”

  _This is a great scenery to finally die...!_  I step up to Hollyleaf. “Leave him alone! Kill **me** , you arrogant asshole!!”

 Hollyleaf turns to face me. “Naaawww, so you are his girlfriend. Very cute. Stupid enough to love him, girl.”

 “What?!,” I yell. “Ten seconds left until I kill you.”

 “Try it,” Hollyleaf states ignorantly.

 Suddenly Scourge stands in front of me. _Huh? He … helps me?!_ I’m surprised; I thought our relationship was over. “Okay. Hollyleaf, you’re an idiot,” Scourge shares his opinion bluntly. “First thing you have to know: Brick isn’t Ashfur’s girlfriend but mine. The second one is: If you wanna kill Ashfur, you first have to kill me – and that’s impossible for a tiny loser like you. Now think of murdering him again. Is it really a good idea?”

“Of course it is,” Hollyleaf hisses. “Even if you try to kill me, I’ll fight until you three fellows have to face your certain death!"

I look at her, my thoughts rattling like crazy.  _She says this although I can see the fear in her eyes..._

 Then there is another voice: “Hollyleaf! No, wait!” It's Fallen Leaves! _What?! Where does he come from now?_  He walks towards us. “Hollyleaf, we’ll be together forever. And I will keep being with you until I die. If you want to fight these idiots, I’ll fight by your side, and if it's the last thing I do in my life."

 Hollyleaf smiles at us absolutely evil. Then she tells him, “Okay. If that's the case, we'll fight together. You start with that she-cat.” Her eyes sparkle dangerously.

Fallen Leaves gives her a smile. “As you wish, Hollyleaf.” Then he turns to face me.

 “You aren't about to do what I think you are about to do, are you?,” I ask with an unhappy smile. _Never thought Fallen Leaves was such an … asshole._

“Oh yes. I am.” Fallen Leaves chuckles in a totally disgusting way.

 “No, no...! You can’t do that!,” I whisper while he comes closer and closer.

 “Of course I can." It seems like he doesn’t care who he fights. Now Fallen Leaves is standing in front of me, his claws ready to cause the end of my life.

 “No,” I whisper so quiet that it might be impossible to hear me. “You aren’t going to fight or ... or even to kill a pregnant she-cat, are you?,” I ask with tears in my eyes. And I don’t notice that my kits could save me from this death I wanted just a few minutes ago.

 But Fallen Leaves’s eyes stay cold. “Oh, am I not?” He gives me a hit, and I fall over onto the ground. Now he is lurking over me. “Am I not?,” he repeats.  _It’s difficult to breathe...!_

“You are,” I murmur. “I know that you are now.”

Then there's suddenly black in front of my eyes.


	12. He Makes Me Listen To Him By Violence!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick has a really gross nightmare during unconciousness.

_“Brick?”_

_I open my eyes by this voice and an odd feeling. Oh, I could've predicted it. Thistleclaw is on top of me and … ew. You probably know what I mean._

_“Thistleclaw, please...” I try to keep calm, as much as it's possible. “I don’t know whether you are wicked … or completely sick. Or even both.”_

_“Come on, Brick,” Thistleclaw breathes a kiss onto my cheek. “All those idiots are wrong for you. But I think we could have a great future.”_

_“Oh yes, great,” I say unhappily. “Yes, of course. Of course I wanna be together with someone who forces me to do ... things like - this." My voice trembles with disgust._

_“Who doesn’t want to do such blissful things to you?,” Thistleclaw asks me. “Even the gay do.”_

_I can't believe it. What must be wrong with his mind? “Do you refer to Scourge again?,” I ask him fed up. “He is not gay. And he would never behave like you."_

_Thistleclaw says something, but I don’t wanna hear him. Suddenly a big pain by one thrust makes me yell loudly. “Are you insane?,” I gasp. I know that I'm just his sex object, and that I don't really have a choice, but he should really treat me better._

_“You should listen to me,” Thistleclaw states. “I said, of course Scourge is gay, and you two will never get on with each other.”_

_“What are you talking about?!,” I snap. I try to turn onto my back, but Thistleclaw presses his paws onto mine. I notice that he’ll never let me go so I stop squirming and let him do what he wants (and he wants to hurt me, of course). I ignore all the pain, all the violence, all the cruelty._

_“I talk about the fact that you and Scourge aren’t allowed to be together,” Thistleclaw responses. “It would be more crazy than being gay.”_

_“Why?” I can’t stand the pain he’s giving to me anymore. It becomes more and more difficult to keep breathing... Sweat is running all over my face._

_“Because that love between you two is forbidden … and, luckily, almost damaged.” It seems like Thistleclaw has finished satisfying his needs on me; at least I'd be eventually able to get up now. He starts gently licking my fur and washes away my blood. Eh … by the way, where does my blood come from now?!_

_I stay where I am, I feel too weak to get up. But I shudder under Thistleclaw’s ghost tongue. “And what are you going to do against the relationship between Scourge and me?,” I ask with hardly supressed anger in my voice._

_“Oh... I’m not going to do anything.” The usual evil smirk lays on Thistleclaw's lips again. “Not for now. But after that – you will see.”_

_“If you love me that much, you shouldn't say or do things like that,” I say. I don't even know why, but it pretty much pulls on my heart strings that he behaves like this. Can't he just be a little friendlier...?_

_Thistleclaw is really close to my face now. “Of course I love you, Brick,” he whispers. “And you'll always belong to me...”_

_He kisses me deeply... I don’t want this. I don't want **him**._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa. I've got a really sick and twisted mind, I guess. By the way, who was that lovely noodle who left kudos on this shit? o_o I would have expected anything but that. You made me very happy, whoever you are. *hugs you*


	13. Pain And Love Are Just The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thistleclaw's dream and Brick's nightmare have become true.

“Brick!,” someone sobs.

 I awake from my nightmare with a feeling on my lips – hot, poisonous and a bit painful. Scourge kisses me, but it isn’t the same as before. It is … different; it seems that we only love each other when one of us is close to death. And is that love? No. I don't need to ask. Of course it isn’t.

 “Scourge?” I carefully open my eyes and look into his which are full of tears.

 “Brick!” He smiles at me sadly. “I … I thought you were gone.” He blinks, apparently being pretty upset.  _He doesn’t want me to see him crying. I thought he loved me. Someone who is really in love with each other cry together and for each other..._ I get a shock at a sudden thought flashing through my mind. _But I **can’t** cry!!_

 “As you can see, I’m not,” I say with an icy cold voice.

 Scourge’s eyes turn cold, too. “I do see.”

 Now I have my eyes tearing up. Because Thistleclaw is right … Scourge doesn’t love me anymore. “Of course you do,” I whisper sadly. “You aren’t stupid.”

 “Oh. Am I not?” Scourge seems really angry now. “Get away with your lies, Brick!! I’m angry with myself that I brought you here. Seriously. Sometimes I feel as if … if you wanted to break my heart!! Your whole being is nothing but a lie!” With these words he runs away.

 “No-! Scourge!,” I yell.

But he is already out of sight.

 Okay, now everything I love in this world is gone. I sob, tears keep dropping steadily onto the ground.

But I won't commit suicide yet. My kits need me.

They don't have a father any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh, exactly 13 chapters, we're all gonna die! *waves hand dramatically* Is the number 13 even bad luck if it's not Friday...?  
> Oh well, I'll be off now. I've got nice two weeks of fall vacation in front of me, and one week without Internet. I guess I will drop you another update after October 12. :3


	14. Mystic Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick has a very important talk with Ashfur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoooo. I originally wanted to upload this during lesson, but I didn't really want to risk losing my mobile just to share another chapter with you. (¬_¬'') Anyway, here's the new thingy, and I hope you like it! It's a little weird and lacks logic though.

The next day, I don’t see Scourge again. But I don’t even care. I don’t want to see him.

 But … I meet up with Ashfur.

“Hey, Brick.” He smiles at me in a friendly way.

 I can feel my heart beating much faster than usually, so much that it's almost painful. I try to ignore it, but it's not really possible. “Hey.” I smile as well. Ashfur is the only cat who still seems to like me. Might appear kinda strange, huh...

 “Is everything alright? I’ve heard about you and Scourge … and your – er – love problems...” Ashfur looks at me worriedly.

 The first time ever, I really notice what a beautiful dark blue his eyes are.

“I would pretty much lie to you if I said, ‘everything is fine’. The opposite is right: Everything is wrong! I don’t know how to get on with my life!” Everything just somehow bursts out of me. I don’t know why. My eyes fill up with tears once again, anyway.

 “Oh Brick, please don’t cry.” Ashfur comes closer to me and I get nervous. “Let’s take a little walk, okay?"

 I follow his invitation.

When we walk around in the forest, Ashfur starts to speak. He speaks quietly and calmly. “I know how hard life must be for you. We’re both in love with Scourge … and we both feel as if he doesn’t love one of us. And … uh … Brick, if this is becoming too personal, please tell me!!"

 A little bit of comfort warms my heart just from looking at him. “Get on,” I say, still not showing the littlest emotion.

 Ashfur says the end very quiet, and I almost have problems understanding him. “And we were both … er … forced to have sex with Thistleclaw.”

 “What the -- heck?!” I shocks me a little that Ashfur is able to talk so plainly about a topic like this. “What’s the matter now? Yes, you are right, that happened to both of us, but-”

 “Shh, Brick. You like Thistleclaw more than you want to. And … well. I don't think I could ever forget his words before he left me: ‘You’ll be mine forever. And this is going to be our everlasting connection.’ Well, and now have a look at this. Look at what he’s done to me.” Ashfur takes his chin a bit higher up into the air. There’s a long, straight scar, right on his throat.

 “Ouch. I'm sure that was painful,” I say, almost running out of words. “But why do you tell me about that?”

 “Brick, I think every cat gets one scar like this only from meeting Thistleclaw. There must be something that … that hurts you without that you feel it.” Ashfur looks at me, a slightly frightened expression on his face. “At least that's what apperently happened to me. Brick, you ... you've met him as well...”

 I understand what he wants to tell me. “I did, yeah,” I murmur and take my chin up.

 Ashfur looks at me with widening eyes. “Brick...” His voice sounds monotone, but nevertheless, it's trembling slightly.

 “Hmm?” I look at him. He seems shocked, but why?

 “There are three scars on your throat,” Ashfur murmurs. “So you met Thistleclaw three times, right?”

 “Yes. I did.” Talking about this for such a long time makes my mental wall break down. I feel all the pain Thistleclaw ever gave to me, and I have to let it out. My loud scream goes up into the air.

 Ashfur gets closer to me. “Brick! What's going on?”

 I see him standing next to me. I am feeling so weak... “Thistleclaw-!,” I sob. Suddenly my legs give up, and I fall over. Shit... When I see clearly again, I notice that I'm leaning right against Ashfur's shoulder. “Sorry, Ashfur! I’m really sorry!,” I apologize quickly. How embarrassing!!

 “No problem.” Ashfur smiles softly at me. “I don't think it is your fault.”

 I'm about to answer something when I suddenly hear a noise. It sounds similar to a growling dog; I’ve already heard it somewhere, but I don’t remember what it is. “Ashfur? What’s that sound?,” I ask.

 “There’s a Thunder Way near here,” he replies. “Don’t you remember? There are usually many monsters running over it...”

 A Thunder Way. How nice fate can suddenly be. I close my eyes happily. Now I can do what I wanted to do all the last few days. Now, finally, I can kill myself.

I look at Ashfur again, a cold flame burning inside my chest. “A Thunder Way,” I repeat with a happy smile. “In that case, this was the last time we’ve met. See you at StarClan, Ashfur.”

With these words, I turn around and run into the forest.


	15. Suicide Kills Everyone And Their Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Turning and walking away was probably one of the worst things Brick has ever done in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo-hoo, we passed the 100 hits while I was away! Thanks a lot! My happiness is basically why I'm uploading this now a little after midnight and not tomorrow.

 I run through the forest, looking at everything as good as possible at this speed. This walk is the last one I'm ever going to have. Then everything will have an end. There will be no more worry. No more violence. No more heartache. No more pain...

I arrive at the Thunder Way pretty fast, faster than I really wanted. Many monsters run around in front of me. I take another deep breath. Tears gather in my eyes now.

It really hits me that I have to leave Ashfur now. Yes. _Ashfur._  He’s the one. It's better for me to forget about Scourge for my last few minutes.

I'll just go now! I'll leave everything in this world. I’m ready to get rid of it. I’m ready. _Ready._ One single, lonely tear drops onto the ground.

  _Don’t get weak now, Brick!_  In a few minutes I’ll be dead and then everything ends. I have to do it, _now_. And I will do it now.

I run onto the thunder way. But - just now that it's necessary - no monster comes.

 Suddenly someone screams, “Brick!! Are you crazy? Get away from there!” I see Ashfur standing right where I stood a moment ago.

“No, I won’t get away,” I reply in a rather quiet, yet calm and firm tone of voice. “This is what I've waited for. You can’t help me anymore. I'll be dead in a few minutes, and I’m glad it will happen.” I hear a sound and feel the street vibrating under my paws - finally a monster is coming. “You see?,” I yowl at Ashfur.

 “No!!,” Ashfur yells. He starts running in my direction.

 I switch my view from Ashfur to the monster. They both come closer, and that very quickly.

 Then everything happens at once.

 Ashfur pushes me to the side. I hit the ground next to the monster, but I can't find Ashfur anywhere.  _Oh … no...!_  I shiver in horror when I hear bones breaking under the beast. Then it is gone. It's the moment that shows me how much of a nightmare my life really is.

 I want to close my eyes, but I can’t take them off the terrifying image in front of me. Ashfur is stretched out in front of me – all I see is gray fur, blood and flesh. The amount of wounds is too large that anyone could survive it. And it's my fault.

  _Ashfur!_  I start crying.

 “Brick,” Ashfur whispers. “How good that I’ve got seven lives left...”

 “Ashfur, please,” I murmur sadly. “Please don’t lose all of them just because of me. This is all my fault.”

 “We all make mistakes.” Ashfur groans in pain. “This was ours. Mine and yours.”

 “No. It was just mine,” I sob. “If I weren’t so stupid, you wouldn’t have to die now!!” I feel terrible. It is all my fault, and I'm not worth his life!

 “Brick, I have to tell you something.” Ashfur’s eyes are watering up now, too.

 “What is it?,” I ask gently. But I know that I’ll never be somebody as gentle and altruistic as Ashfur. I'm too much of an egoist for that.

 “I lied to you and Scourge,” he whispers weakly. “This is my last life. I'll lose this battle. I’ve fought it long enough.”

 “No!,” I yell. “Ashfur, please!! This must be the real lie! You can’t die now!!!”

 “I have to.” Ashfur closes his eyes. “And, Brick? Please tell Scourge that I’ll love him forever and longer.”

 “Okay. I’m going to tell him.” My heart shatters into thousands of pieces. I see Ashfur's chest move less and less. He will die, and I can't do anything about it. I have to accept it. I close my eyes and start to sing in a desperate try to make his last minutes a little more peaceful. My voice sounds over the now empty thunder way, quiet and a little insecure.

“Nothing is forever in life, but a memory, believe it’s true... and when I gaze in the rain, I’m crying just for you. The scarlet rose has died, lost inside the night. Left in my mind like a dream full of pride. The scarlet rose has died...” I sing on, freely adding text when I don't remember the actual lyrics. I loved this song as a twoleg, but I've never thought that I would sing it for a purpose like this.

 I take a scent around me ... Ashfur's smell, but in a different way. A dead way. “I knew you loved me,” his voice whispers. “Thanks, Brick. I’ll never forget about you or Scourge.”

 Now there are really tears in my eyes, and … in my heart. Hot and burning tears, tears I never wanted to cry, tears I told myself I would always hold back, tears I'm crying now because the one I loved the most has died.

 What now...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering, the song was "Scarlet Rose" by Edguy. I agree with Brick here: It indeed is a wonderful song. *secretly begging you to check it out*  
> This chapter has been my favorite for quite a while, and currently, it suits my situation disturbingly great. :/ I don't actually feel that bad (it's been worse some time), but most of my friends do... depression, insomnia, eating disorders, one thing comes to another and I have no idea how to help them. The scary part is that I often wrote things like this chapter before anybody in my surroundings had such problems.  
> Ugh ... forget about that part, it doesn't matter. I hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as you could! Cheerio!


	16. Singing In Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick is sad. And what can express sadness better than music?

 I slowly walk through the forest. I don’t want to do anything, but I have to tell Scourge about Ashfur’s death.

 I suddenly hear a sound behind me. Oh no, what’s that?!

 Suddenly someone pushes me onto the ground. Then a voice: “Oh, it’s you, Brick! Sorry.” Scourge.

“Yeah, thanks.” I look at him. Something has broken, and now I'm anything but sure if I'd be able to love him again like I did before. “I have to tell you something.” Again, I feel the painful tears in my eyes.

 “What’s wrong, Brick?,” he asks with a worried tone in his voice. “Is something wrong with the kits? Or, worse, with you?”

 “Don’t be so fucking annoyingly friendly!!,” I growl. “No. Ashfur died … and it’s all my fault. I wanted to get killed by a monster, a-and Ashfur saved me, … and he died, he only had one life left... and-” I speak fast, and almost start crying again.

 “What?! Why did you do that, Brick?,” Scourge shouts in a sudden outburst of anger.

 I don’t know how to keep my feelings hidden anymore. I start singing an own song:

 

**“Oh Scourge, I really don’t know!**

**I know Ashfur died and it’s my fault, so please kill me!**

**I’ll get kits and I don’t want them, so please kill me!**

**I loved you but I can’t anymore, so please kill me!**

**This world is wrong for me!**

**It’s just wrong!**

**Oh Scourge,**

**May you kill me now?**

**Now?**

**It’s all just _wrong_!”**

 

 Scourge looks at me in shock. “You must be kidding, right...?,” he gasps.

 I shake my head. I don’t want to talk.

 He comes nearer. “Brick, … you can’t do that! Even if I wanted it, I wouldn't be able to kill you … I _love_  you!” Before I can get away, he gives me a kiss.

 I jump back. “Great thing that you love me, but I do not believe you! If you really loved me, you could have shown me that earlier!” I turn and walk away.

Now I know what to do: I’ll become a twoleg again. That is the only way to get rid of this whole shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could it be that Brick has been crying a lot in the last few chapters? Ugh. Might be just my wrong impression.  
> I checked my e-mails this morning, and I found a mail from AO3 saying another person had left kudos on this. I have no idea who it was ... but thanks a bunch. *hug* I didn't expect this work to even get any kudos or hits, and now it's my most popular one. Huge surprise for me. TwT And that is why I took out my mobile at 11 o'clock AM today, corrected this chapter and got my lazy ass up to upload it here. Nice backstory, right? *sarcasm sarcasm*


	17. Warrior Humans And Other Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick transforms back into a human. Well, more or less. Her life doesn't become better anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is some sort of pun. The Warriors series is published as "Warrior Cats" in Germany, and so I took it and inserted it in this title with "cats" changed to "humans". Well, that joke doesn't really work now, I guess...

 When I get out of the forest again, I feel free. I get up and am a twoleg. It seems that everything is like before.

 I look at my surroundings. Everything is fine.

 But … is it really?

I brush my hand through my hair, but apart from it, I also touch … **cat ears**?! _What the heck, I’m a humanized cat? How perfect. Ha ha ha._

 I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around. There’s a boy standing behind me, around seventeen years old, with gray hair and green eyes. He’s got cat ears, too. He is almost invisible, seems that he is a ghost. “Thistleclaw?!,” I gasp.

 “Be quiet!,” he orders me. “I won’t just let you stay here. Not alone.” He hugs me. “You’ll never be alone,” he whispers into my ear.

  _I won’t be alone but with him?! No thanks!!_  I shudder. “Fuck off,” I murmur. I don’t want him to accompany me.

“What did you just say?” Thistleclaw pushes me away. His angriness stings out of his eyes.

 I raise my arms in front of me in a defending position. He frightens me! “I said, fuck off!,” I say louder, and I even manage to sound angry instead of scared. “You can’t follow me everywhere!”

 “Oh, can’t I?” Thistleclaw comes nearer.

 I back away a little. “No, you can’t! Leave me alone! Clear off! How long do you need to understand it?!”

 “I won’t need any more time.” Thistleclaw pushes me easily down onto the ground. “I can do it differently.” He sits down next to me and pins one of my hands to the ground with his.

I try to sit up, but I his grip is too tight. “You won’t do anything in public, will you?,” I ask timidly.  _Please help me, Ashfur! I’m scared of him!_

 “I won’t,” Thistleclaw breathes. “Why should I? You’re just too cute.” He kisses my lips.  _And here we go again! How great. He’s three years older than me, but who cares?_ If this was happening to somebody else, I would eventually be able to even do a stupid joke about it. But it is happening to me, and that makes it an entirely different thing.

_Why does Thistleclaw always do this? Does he like to feel my unhappiness?!_  I don’t want to feel him close to me anymore. “Thistle,” I whisper. “Please leave me alone. Please.”

 He looks at me with an expression that almost looks like love. “I can’t. Have you ever thought of other people? I mean, there’s always someone who needs you … like me …”

 “You need me too much, I guess.” I smile tiredly. “Why do you rape me if you love me? You don’t want to let my go anywhere without you. But … but I don’t want to be near you. Please, Thistleclaw. I don’t know if I could ever love you.” I say that although there is some kind of feeling in the darkest corner of my heart that tells me how much he already has addicted me to him.

 Thistleclaw smiles a bit sadly, I don’t know why he's the one to look sad. “You already love me.” He kisses my lips.

 I'm surprised at how hard he does. I taste blood.  _Ashfur, help me. I don’t want this. ASH! I don’t WANT it! Help me, please!!_  I don’t want to know how much blood I have to swallow. It's too disgusting.

“Thistleclaw,” I murmur. “Stop it. Please.”

 Blood dribbles down my chin when Thistleclaw breaks the kiss. “You are mine, Brick,” he whispers. “Mine forever. And we’ll be together until we both die.”

 Suddenly I hear a voice behind me. “I remember you telling me the same, Thistleclaw! Remember me, too?”


	18. No Means No!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick is saved. Unexpectedly warm feelings occur. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (2016/05/16)  
> Oops, the end of the chapter was missing for, like, almost a year... I added that now. //3

Thistleclaw and I look at the person who’s standing there.

A fourteen-years-old with dark blue eyes, and a ghost as well. _Ashfur!_  “Come here, Brick.” Ashfur holds his hand out.

 With a sigh of relief I get up and run to Ashfur. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I lean into the soothing touch. That's when I suddenly see what’s in his other hand: Something long and sharp. A knife. I swallow heavily.

 “Don’t worry,” Ashfur whispers so quietly that only the two of us can hear it. “I won’t hurt you.”

 “Aw how cute,” Thistleclaw laughs. “The weakling and the ass fucker together! Such a nice couple. What do you want to do now?”

 Ashfur tries to force a smile onto his face. “You talk about so-called 'ass fuckers' although you’re a rapist who doesn't even care about age and gender of his victims? That is funny, Thistleclaw. Very funny.”

 “Who told you I was a rapist?,” Thistleclaw asks.

 “I was one of your victims. Poor thing, have you already forgotten it? Seems that you're not so good at remembering things.” Ashfur laughs, but it's audibly fake.

 Thistleclaw steps closer and closer. “I could show you how much of a rapist I am,” he replies with a smile.

 Now even Ashfur's smile falls off his features. I feel how his heartbeat fastens. And then I hear his voice: “No.”

 Now Thistleclaw is right in front of us. “What did you just say!?,” he hisses. _Funny. He sounds like a cat again._

 Ashfur slightly raises the knife. “I said, **no**.”

 Thistleclaw gasps quietly. “This time you have won, gay something!,” he murmurs. “But you’ll lose very soon.” With these words, he disappears.

 “Phew … thank you, Ash,” I sigh. “I thought he wanted to kill me.”

“I’m sure he didn’t,” Ashfur laughs. He sits down and takes me with him to sit on the ground. “ _I_  thought he wanted to kill  _me_." 

 “Ashfur?” I smile shyly. “I … er … you … you are s-such an important person for me …” Get away with talking. I can’t hold back any longer – for one short moment I kiss Ashfur’s lips.

 “Brick.” He gently pushes me away. “I’m so sorry. But I am gay, remember? The only cat I love is Scourge. I like you, Brick, but not more. M-maybe we can stay friends, but … you know …”

 My eyes become wet again, but I try to ignore it. I nod slowly. “Of course. I am the one who should be sorry.”

 Suddenly a strange shimmer appears in Ashfur's eyes. “But maybe we can act loving each other. And then we will see who Scourge is more jealous of.”

I smile. Yes. That is a good idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was rather disturbing. I don't even know why this specific chapter disturbed me so much more than the others, but it just happened to.  
> As I continue correcting this fan fiction, I'm more and more thinking that my version of Thistleclaw would more fit into Tokyo Ghoul. (Nothing against TG; it's great, but nobody is able to deny that there are many psychos participating in it.) In fact, I can picture Thistleclaw in my head go Nishiki saying something like, "I prefer victims who have trusted me blindly before". Jesus Christ. My imagination works too well. (¬д¬。)  
> When I recently told my mother about the origins and the behavior of one of my other OCs, and she said I was competent at psychology or something. (Literally it was "That sounds psychologically senseful" and that I have quite a comprehendance for psychology.) I guess that wasn't the case when I wrote this part of the fic... but now I'm indeed trying to dive into the characters. That will probably not show in this story though.  
> Well, now I basically got to say what I wanted to say. I hope you'll keep looking out for the next chapters, and I promise the fiction won't get any worse. (Although, who knows.) Bye bye! *waves enthusiastically"


	19. Who Is This Mysterious Cat?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick and Ashfur meet a new cat. In a, let's say, pretty unusual way.

When Ashfur and I walk through the forest as cats again, Ashfur suddenly stops. "Wait." He flicks his tail. "Did you hear that?"

I turn around. "No. I didn't hear anything."

"That's the thing. We usually hear the sounds of other cats, even although we don't see them. But now it's quiet all around here." Ashfur looks very serious.

"Uhm ... now that you mention it. But it isn't that important, is it?," I ask and prepare to continue my way.

"Brick. Wait," Ashfur orders. "I can feel Thistleclaw was here. Other cats might be in danger. Do you want them to die although they didn't do anything to you?"

My body tenses up at that 'Do you want x to die although y' part. I remember how I once used it on Thistleclaw. "Of course I don't," I murmur. "I'll come with you. But, _please_ , let's stay together. If Thistleclaw is still somewhere near here, I'm worried whether-" I stop. All the pain he had ever given to me pulses through my body, most of all 'there'. _No! I don't want to feel this when I'm save from it! Oh my..._

"Understood." Ashfur smiles at me in a friendly way. "So come with me."

We start searching for cats who are in need of help. Finally, we find a she-cat behind a few small trees. "Oh... oh no...!," I gasp. She's around 23 moons of age, and small for this - maybe as big as Scourge, that annoying nuisance. Her black fur with the stripes in different shades of brown is wet of ... various liquids ... and her right ear and her tail tip, which are probably white for usual, are red now. My stomach heaves as I look at her. Waahh... you might know which _various liquids_ I'm referring to...

I force myself to keep my eyes locked on her. That's the only reason why I notice that her chest is still moving.

Taking in a deep breath, I lick her ear. "Hey, you. Wake up. What happened ... and who are you?," I ask as gently as possible.

Shock shoots through my body when she really answers. She doesn't open her eyes, but whispers more or less clearly, "My name is Angel ... th-that beautiful tom ... he ..."

_Wait, what?!_ I stare at her, mouth gaping open in horror.

"Who are you talking about?," Ashfur asks swiftly. "A dark gray tomcat? Dark green eyes? Rapist? Sadistic tendencies?"

"Y-yes..." Angel can't tell us anything else; her thin voice trails off and she falls unconscious again.

"What should we do with her, Brick?," Ashfur wants to know.

"Let's take her with us. I'm going to take care of her," I sigh tiredly. _Whoa... I have to take care of many cats, don't I? Ha ha ha..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel is a character invented by a friend of mine who pretty much likes my OOC Thistleclaw (did I already tell you about her?), and she will have a quite small, but supporting role from now on. I remember how my friend wrote the character sheet thing and said, "But Angel hadn't been violated by Thistleclaw when she appears for the first time, okay?" And stupid me agreed and promised Angel would be safe and sound. Then, in the afternoon, I sat down in front of my laptop and was like, "Shit, my plan was for Angel to be one of Thistleclaw's victims... Ah, screw the promise I made, I'm just gonna write it this way." Luckily, my friend didn't get mad at me when she read the chapter.  
> Nevertheless, we keep bursting into laughter whenever one of us mentions the _various liquids_. We're weird. *shrugs*


	20. No Compassion Needed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A particularly nice piece of Thistleclaw's mind, told from his point of view.

_Dammit!_ I was endlessly upset when I glared after those three cats. _Brick, this bitch! Why can't she just give up like all my other victims?!_

You're probably thinking about me right now, "Oh, this asshole. Why does he even do that?" But you know what? I do it with reasons you fool don't understand. So don't even try to go against my decisions.

Yes! I raped that dirty slut! And? Is that your problem in any way?

I guess I'll have to _help_ Brick... He he. She needs a special kind of help. A _sexual_ help. Well ... she has to be told a lesson she'll never forget. You're gonna see: She won't be the same after she experienced my special treatment.

And she has to be taught her lesson very soon. He he he...

I laugh out in a pleasant shiver of insanity.

This was all you have to know. So maybe see you, or not - I don't care. Bye then.


	21. And Things Like This Are Why The Author Wants To Stay Single!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick's overflowing emotions lead to the probably most fateful incident of her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys... My writing output is at its limit, I have a headache, I am pretty damn tired and all I want to do is sleep. Nevertheless I am still dropping you another update. Something must have gone kinda wrong with me.

A few days went by. Angel is healthy and round about fine, my kits don't seem to be sick (What a pity!) and Thistleclaw hasn't appeared again so far. So everything is alright, more or less.

Well, that was supposed to mean ... everything **was** alright until now.

"Brick!"

I turn around, Scourge comes to my eyes. _Ah! This motherfucker, what does he want?_ " _Hello_ , Scourge," I hiss.

"Hello. Er ... how are our kits?" He looks into my eyes.

"Oh yes, that was predictable, of course," I growl. "The first and only thing you ask about are your kits. I guess you wouldn't give a shit if I died while giving birth. You only want to satisfy your needs. With me. I was just your sex toy, wasn't I? And _please tell me what you really think. Keep calm. Just don't lie._ "

Scourge looks at me, an unusual, almost frightened look on his face. "What...?! No! Brick! I never...!"

" _ **Shut up!!**_ ," I scream. "Of course you played with me! With me, with my feelings and _worst!_ with my body! Look at me, idiot! I'm pregnant! _Pregnant_! Do you even know what that fucking means?! You'll be a father! And not to forget, I wanted to commit suicide! Who was there to save me? Ashfur! He saved my life with his! _You_ were miles away! And you say you love me?! Asshole! Asshole, asshole, asshole!" Now I'm standing here, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Brick...! I-I didn't...!" Scourge stares at me, his eyes widened.

"Fuck you!!," I yowl.

"Exactly," he murmurs.

"You're such a dick controlled wanker. Get away from me." I turn away.

And then everything happens at once.

All I can still feel are the tears spilling from my eyes, and my heart beating as if it wants to break my ribs. A horrible pain flashes through my body and I fall over onto the ground. I see nothing but black, my nose is filled up with the smell of blood, my ears ache with the sound of my own heavy heartbeat.

And then the beating suddenly stops.

Everything turns quiet and cold.


	22. A Final Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick's about to die, but fate - also known as Thistleclaw - won't let her go that easily.

_I raise my head and see Thistleclaw above me. "Ah, hello Brick." He smirks at me in a pretty disgusting manner. "I've been waiting for ya. Let's play for one last time..." His face is really close to mine; I'm inhaling his cold breath._

_"First of all, I don't want to play. Hello Thistleclaw." I glare at him. "I know what 'game' you want to play. Get it off your mind."_

_"Who's gonna be such a meanie?" He keeps on smiling._

_I groan in annoyance. "Me."_

_Before I can do anything to stop him, he kisses me. His lips move on and come in touch with more parts of my body than I want. (In fact I want his fucking lips to touch dirt.) "You look so innocent," Thistleclaw whispers. "It's a good thing we both know you aren't as innocent as you seem to be."_

_Well, I'm not about to tell him whose fault that is in the first place. I close my eyes and try to enjoy it, or at least shove my fear aside._

_"Brick, I'm just so sorry." He looks at me, still smiling like a weirdo. "I should have taught you your lesson earlier. But you're dead for now. So it won't be possible to do it later..."_

_My eyes widen. "I guess I know what you'll teach me..." I pronounce every single word like a complete sentence._

_"And that is?"_

_"Things not even the greatest whore of StarClan would need ever in her life."_

_"Well, not really." His smile grows even wider. "How about a little bit of **[censored]** , baby?"_

_"Wha-what the fucking shit?!," I gasp. "N-no...! I don't want to...!!"_

_"C'mon, my sweetheart. It's just **[censored]**. Haven't you ever done it?" He locks his eyes on mine._

_"No! I never did! I seem 'innocent', don't I?" I back away a few inches._

_Thistleclaw promptly comes after me. "Then you'll do it for the first time now." He pins me to the ground._

_I struggle a little, but he's too strong for me. "B-but I don't want to!"_

_"Oh, you do. I'm sure you do. You must have fun one last time before you die." That StarClan-damn grin again._

_**[Once again censored (mostly because I'm too much of a coward to write it)!!]**_

_My screams echo through the forest, accompanying the scenery of him violating my body. Sweat runs into my eyes, tears stream down my cheeks. This isn't fun at all; Thistleclaw just wants to hurt me, and he even gets off on it! It disgusts me so much. I feel his body moving against mine..._

_And then I wonder -- was it all worth it? Was anything worth it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, more shit that I wrote~! ♪  
> Excuse this ... pretty sickening scene, I guess? It just poured out of my immature mind one and a half year ago. I'm sorry. *bows* There is only one left to come, then it's over with the rape scenes. (And it won't even be Thistleclaw to rape Brick, heh.) Stay ready for more chapters, dudes! We're halfway through the story already!


	23. The Crime of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scourge doesn't have a clue why things have turned out this way, and Ashfur has an emotional breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just tried and flipped to Scourge's point of view for this chapter. Hope you can enjoy~!

I stare down at Brick in shock. "Brick...! Brick! **No**!!" _What did I do? What happened? Is she going to die because of me...?_ I can't stop thinking the worst.

"What the hell's going on here? Scourge?? What happened?," a well known voice yells out.

"I don't know myself, Ashfur...! I - I just asked her about our kits' wellbeing, but all she did was shout at me and then she collapsed!" I'm super upset about this whole thing. Did I do anything wrong?

"You damn crybaby!," is the only thing Ashfur states.

"Wha-?" Now I notice the tears streaming down my face. Oh. I blink in embarrassment. _Is this the way you feel when you've just lost the one you loved the most? When you notice you loved them so much you wanted to cry?_

"You really don't understand the she-cats! You've never understood them and you never will! And you understand toms even less!," Ashfur sobs. He also seems to be a _crybaby_ , as he'd put it. "As much as you're breaking other cats' hearts, I'm wondering whether you're asexual or something! It feels like you're just falling in love with us to kill our souls!"

_Like being asexual was a sin. Intolerant ghost_ , I think to myself.

But Ashfur isn't quite finished yet. "Scourge, be honest with me one time, please! Only this one time, after that you can lie again like you always do! You love nobody for real, right? Getting us pregnant is all that matters to you, right? Well, but it doesn't seem that you'd ever be able to be a real father. I acted like your stupid cute little innocent uke, not thinking about the results! And that's probably why you could break my heart. I didn't think about you being the oh-so-great Scourge, who is able to get even a tomcat pregnant! And after our kits were gone, you also left me. I was broken! I wanted to die!" Tears are freely running down Ashfur's cheeks and he's almost choking on his sobs, but he ignores it. "And I guess that's exactly what Brick felt! She was pregnant, you monkeybutt! And she didn't even want the kits! You're nothing better than Thistleclaw. Just a dirty rapist. You should've raped me, Brick deserved it even less. We were both young. Innocent. Naive. And what came after that? You!! Pervert!"

"Shhh, Ashy. Calm down. I don't want you to collapse." No matter how much he annoys the living daylights out of me, I kiss him on the lips to shut him up.

To my surprise, Ashfur cries out even louder. "Don't use that stupid nickname!!," he yowls. "See?! You're doing it again! As soon as Brick has left you, you act gay like what-know-I, just because you need someone to kiss and fuck! But you know what? You can forget about that. I loved you earlier, but now I feel nothing apart from fear and anger. It's always said that love changes its victims, right? You really changed me, Scourge. But not in a positive way. No matter how gay or even bi I am, I won't be able to feel something for you any longer. You hurt me too much."

"A-Ashfur...! Please...!" I don't know what to say. I knew Ashfur as a friendly tomcat who would never yell at someone like this. I was obviously wrong.

"Scourge? Ashfur? What's going on?" Angel rushed over to us. _Oh no. No._

"Angel! Be careful!," Ashfur shouts. His voice sounds like it's about to crack under the pressure of fear. "Stay away from Scourge, he's dangerous!"

"Huh...? What?," Angel asks.

Well great, that seems to be the system of 'In case you can't convince them, just confuse them'.

"What should be dangerous about me?," I ask. That hurt even my heart a bit.

Ashfur looks at me. His eyes are colder than ice. "You just don't get it, huh? I told you - you're a rapist. Don't act innocent like a little kit now."

Before I can react, claws scratch across my forehead. Blood drips into my eyes.

"Come on, Scourge. Go rape Thistleclaw." A dirty smile appears on Ashfur's lips. "He's the only cat in this world that deserves your little love game." Then he turns to Angel. He doesn't even look at me for one last time.

I'm laying on the ground when they take Brick with them. All I can do is cry. Everybody has been taken away from me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started correcting this properly after imagining it in the scenario of some anime (mostly Yu-Gi-Oh! and Tokyo Ghoul), this chapter actually had me tear up a little. Okay, I was listening to some sad music such as Ashe's cover of "Lie" and America's "The Last Unicorn", but I could also relate a little too much to Ashfur. I'm just a kind of person who always feels as betrayed as Ashfur did right now.  
> Oh, and this has once again shown how OOC Scourge is... Ashfur and Angel would be very likely to be dead if he was himself...


	24. I Wanna Save Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashfur is not so sure about trying to save Brick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time I tried writing from Ashfur's POV.

Agh... I don't know how I could do what I just did. I must have really hurt Scourge, I guess...! But all my anger just poured out. I fought the war against my feelings long enough. Now I got all the sadness off my chest. But did I really want that? I don't know.

And right now, I'm even wondering about me having feelings for Brick, to. It just really hurt my heart when I saw her lifeless body in front of Scourge.

He isn't good enough for her. I could give her trust in tomcats back to her...

A smile tugs at my lips. Scourge isn't a problem anymore; when Brick wakes up again, she'll certainly break up with him anyway.

_No! What am I thinking?!_ I can't just fall in love with Brick when she's no more lovers with Scourge. I mean, aren't I gay? A homo guy who can only fall for tomcats? But still, something about Brick really warms my heart.

Good StarClan, I'm really struggling with my feelings. That's weird.

Actually, I must somehow be happening to like she-cats as well. Oh my, all I want to do is save Brick. And I can do it, in fact.

But should I really save her? It's dangerous. In 99% of cases she'd lose her kits. I should do it. Hah ... I'm still not sure about it.

I have to save Brick. She's the first cat who helps me to forget about Scourge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU LOVELY NOODLES!! (*0*)//  
> I'll probably upload another chapter during the day.


	25. Brick's Dream World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'll always be there. He won't leave, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I updated in time! *gasps for air and quickly glances at the clock* ...Well, barely. But I still did it.  
> This is another chapter written from Thistleclaw' s point of view. Hope you enjoy or something like that. ^-^`

I open my eyes and scan my surroundings. This is the world of Brick's dreams.

A smile of sadism lays on my lips. Brick will never get rid of me. I'll haunt her dreams and poison her thoughts. She'll be tortured by her own dreams. Her death is just like an ever lasting sleep for me, a sleep I can use to torture her. As much as she wishes to lose me, she won't be able to. Ha ha ha ha~

What the fuck? This writer wants me to shut up **now**?!

I'm gonna kill her, I swear.


	26. Conscience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick is almost dead and she has to face the things that have happened in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, we finally switch back to Brick's point of view. Woohoo.

I know I am dead.

But I still know what happens to me. I could almost think I was sleeping... My body is numb, but a complete rainbow of emotions colors my heart. On the one side I am happy that I could leave all the physical and psychological pain behind, but on the other side I am sad for I will see Ashfur and Angel never again.

I feel like I am floating in the air, without gravity and worries. Everything around me looks like an open sky with a few white clouds.

I stop and remain in front of one cloud. For one short moment, it seems to reflect Ashfur's face, but as soon as it has shown up, it disappears again. A sting shivers through my heart. Ashfur... he was my most beloved one. I can not help but stay where I am. It almost appears that this ... _cloud_ wants to tell me something.

Icy blue eyes start shimmering, and for a few seconds, Scourge shows up. A dagger thrusts mercilessly into my heart, and I start to doubt my actions for the first time in my life. Scourge did not behave that badly towards me, after all... he certainly never hurt me on purpose.

Then there is Thistleclaw. His lips twist into a demonic smile and reveal razor sharp teeth, making my vision blur with tears. He did so many bad things to me that made me feel guilty, dirty, everything of that kind. Although at least it is not his fault that I am standing here now... right?

At that point, I focus my view on the flickering image of Angel. A good friend as she is, I have ended up really trusting her. It hurts I will never meet her again.

Angel disappears again and there are five kits shown. I gasp in shock. Although I have never seen them, I feel so connected to them that I am sure they are mine. They look weak, lay on the ground, struggle for their young lifes. My ears ponder with their screams. _»Mommy! Help us! Why don't you want us? Mommy! It hurts! We don't want to die, Mommy!«_

I find myself crying out for them. "Hold on! **I want you!!** " As hard as I try to keep my tears back, now they are running freely and make me sob endlessly painful. I keep watching them, begging and bowing for them to survive, while their moves get weaker and weaker and my prayers leave my mouth faster and faster, louder and louder, with shorter and shorter results.

 _»Mommy ... why... did you refuse us...?«_ The choir of four young voices makes my heart skip a beat and I stare at the image of five lifeless bodies. A scream escapes my throat. Why did it all have to end up like this?!

A slightly rough, but also kind of high voice sounds through my head. _»Mommy... it's o...kay. I... understand your... deci...sions...«_

I sob even harder. "No! This isn't excusable! I'm just...!" I do not even find some words for my behavior. The voice sounded so cracked, and I have to believe it was one of my kits. "Sorry! I never wanted this...!," I whine.

A weak laughter. _»Maybe you... are... right and... and this... is not ex... excusable...«_ Then the voice turns quiet... forever, I guess.

"Brick!!"

I'm not sure whether someone really called my name or I just hallucinated it because I want anything that doesn't mean to be alone now. Anyway, I slowly get up and walk towards the voice like half asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, my friends, we'll very soon meet two interesting OCs of mine... also known as, my favorite characters in the entire fanfic. And yes, the "rough voice" Brick heard belongs to one of them. I really look forward to introducing them. ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)  
> I don't remember how that happened, but somehow, my mother got to know this chapter's content and her only reaction was, "...How cruel." I was pretty much like, "Well yeah, that's what I intended, I guess." (By the way, I already wanted to upload this chapter over a week ago before I had to lose my Internet, but due to some circumstances with my mobile, that didn't work. My apologies. *bows*)


	27. Regaining Consciousness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashfur manages to wake Brick from her sleep that was meant to last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Ashfur's point of view again. (￣▽￣)

"Brick... You have to endure it, Brick...," I mumble while continuously trapping myself in her mind. I know she's suffering, but it's necessary for saving her life. My heartbeat fastens more and more with each minute.

"Come on, Brick... faster...," I moan quietly. "You have to wake up, or I'll die along with you."

Just one second after I said that, her eyelids flutter open. "A... Ashfur...?" A small trace of blood trickles out of the corner of her mouth, but apart from that, she seems to be fine.

"Brick!," I sigh with relief. "Thank StarClan you survived!"

"No." She turns her head away from me. "I wish I were dead. I won't be able to deal with today ever in my life."

I'm shocked about these words. "B... but..." The only thing I can think about is what might have happened to her terrible enough to take every wish to live away from her.

"No. Ashfur, it's not important. Please, just leave me prey to depression," she refuses me again.

Anger about that flames up inside me. Does she think of death as something pleasant? I don't know when I cried out louder for the pain to stop. Not even giving birth to four kits was more painful. Anyway, I somehow manage to hold my anger back. "I'll certainly not do that! Brick, whatever it is that has happened to you, you have to get over it!" Before she can reply, I go on: "Believe me, there decidedly can't be a person in your life who's important enough for you to with you were dead! There is nobody in this world whom you can trust enough to let them lead you to StarClan. All creatures of this planet only care for themselves and will abandon you when you need them the very most. And I swear, when you stand back against the wall, there's not a single person that wants to save you from the bottom of their heart... Brick, never allow someone to damage your life. They aren't worth it."

Against my expectations, she doesn't react very much. "Ashfur, I don't think you know who you're talking about. I watched my children die a few minutes ago. I might be heartless, but not heartless enough not to cry about that." She closes her eyes and sighs heavily. "Please, Ashfur. Please leave me like everyone did."

I smile sadly. "Brick... I'll never leave you, and I won't let you die either. When there's life, there's hope. But death is forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to upload this chapter, oh wow. But attention please, I wanna say something about some of the sentences inside this.~
> 
> _"Come on, Brick... faster...," I moan quietly._  
>  Yeah okay, I'll just admit I felt silly and made this misunderstandable on purpose. Maybe puberty took its damn toll on me and I also wanted to go all giggly for once? Forgive me, please. :p
> 
> _"When there's life, there's hope. But death is forever."_  
>  Sadly, this phrase doesn' t belong to me. I first read it in my father's Dragon Dice fanfiction - which can be found under the link: http://sfr-inc.com/bb/viewtopic.php?p=64651&sid=bbebd417c24126b992e28433db1bce8e -, but he also got that from a poster in the flat he lived in years ago (before my birth, actually), so I have no idea who owns that quote. ;-;
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this depressed chapter and I'm gonna upload the next one as soon as possible! ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ


	28. A Slave's Reincarnation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick's fate really seems to hate her, and her feelings about it are quite worrying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **SPECIFIC TRIGGER WARNING!** This chapter might be sickening to the core because I've got a twisted mind.
> 
> We're back at Brick's point of view.

A few months have gone by. I'm kinda fine again, but there's still a hole in my heart that was left by my kits. I don't know anybody who could fix it.

In the past few months, I turned out to be more than willing to be alone. That's also the reason why I'm walking through the forest now and nobody's with me, not even Thistleclaw. I like being able to think about life and death and what went wrong for me - but I never really come to results or even solutions.

I'm torn back into the harsh reality when I fall to the ground and a cat appears on top of me, sharp claws piercing my shoulders. "Wh... who are you?!," I yell out.

But then a scent comes to my nose ...

My eyes widen when I realize that I know this cat. _But ... but this is impossible! This cat shouldn't be here now, he is dead!_

"I'm sorry. This is not what I want," he whispers in my ear. This rough voice... I've heard it just months ago! Is it possible...?!

My thoughts mingle when he thrusts into me. "You are...," is the only thing I get out of my mouth.

"I'm your son, right. If we're ever going to talk appropriately to each other, please call me Ame." His voice shakes slightly and it seems that he has to suppress a sob when he mumbles, "Sorry..."

That's such a grotesque situation: One minute ago, I was innocently walking through the forest, and now I lay here, getting raped by my almost-crying son and even enjoying it. Yeah ... I enjoy it. I wanted to be one with my kits again so badly, and now I'm granted this favor. I'm so happy.

"I...if you feel so bad about it, why are you doing it?," I ask with a quiet gasp.

"I'm just a servant, which you would call a slave. Not that I don't enjoy being it, but well, I'm usually nothing but a toy - something to play with, mentally and physically. I don't know, mom. I might be a good masochist, but ... sadism doesn't suit me. It just isn't my strength. All I do is obey my master's orders," Ame tries to explain. His voice almost cracks when he adds, "That's the only thing to allow my existence."

I try to fix the feeling of his body brushing against mine inside my memory when I state, "I don't know who your master is, but you can stop now. Your own feelings matter."

"Sorry," he whispers before slipping off me. "I can't take this any longer." With these words, he runs off into the forest.

I stay where I am and stare after him. _My son is alive, and he's someone's slave_ , it ponders inside my head. I want to tell and ask him so much. But...

I want to see Ame again. He is one of my precious kits.

That's all I can think about when going back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, what the actual flying fuck have I done. Like, ouch. My mind is so fucked it hurts. ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)  
> Okay, nah... I do kinda like this chapter, but mostly because it introduced my favorite side character. Ame is so precious, isn't he? (Alright already, I know you probably hate him. Fine then. I like him anyway.) From here on, I had viciously much fun writing the chapters. (^ц^ )  
> Oh, and thanks a lot for 200 hits! I'm glad that at least the plot sounds interesting.~


	29. My Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ame encounters his master, who is less than pleased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried out Ame's point of view for this one.

"Ame, you disobeyed my orders." The voice is low, growling right towards me.

I nod slowly. "I'm sorry."

My master's green eyes throw a quick glance at me, but I can see the unforgiving expression inside just too well. "I told you to fuck her until she begs for mercy. Just like the tiny little wimp she is."

I nod once again. "Yes, master. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"That isn't forgivable!!," he hisses. "Following your own mind is the worst thing you can do! It seems that you're her exact offspring: wimpy, useless and slutty!"

I bow my head, nodding a third time. "Yes. I'm sorry, master."

"Come here," he orders.

"Yes, master." I swallow heavily and make my short way towards him. As soon as I'm in his reach, his claws rip open my cheek. I'm still not used to that. My master has this violent and dominating nature and often punishes me by giving me scratches and bruises. But what should I've done? She's my mom. I couldn't have raped her like he told me to. Yes, my master is right... I am wimpy as hell.

I try not to cry out while getting hit again and again. Blood trickles all through my fur, and the pain is hard to stand.

When my master's claws thrust into my flesh briefly under my throat, I can't hold back any longer. "Stop!," I scream only half-consciously. "Please stop, Thistleclaw!" _No ... I used his true name! What will he do to me now...?!_

A disgusting smile spreads on his face. "In that case, I guess you can fix up your wounds on your own. Not minding your manners deserves punishment, but I don't want to lose my only – more or less useful – servant." With that, he turns to walk away, but then he looks at me over his shoulder one more time. "Be happy that I skip the most delicate part today." And off he walks.

I sink to the ground. The most delicate part... Sobs come up my throat when I remember what that means. I should be able to cope with it... it's happening almost every day for more than 90 percent of my life anyway.

But ... I still didn't get used to having sex with another man, after all ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what went wrong with my version of Thistleclaw... probably everything... But it might be an opportunity to write another fic, longer than this one, told from Thistleclaw's point of view and called "Fifty Shades of Thistle"! (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) Just kidding, don't worry. I don't have a cat kink.  
> With this chapter, I officially lost my knowledge on how to tag this story.


	30. Happy Ending?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick and Scourge finally get their Happy End. Maybe. Because they both totally deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we go again with Brick's pov.

I've spent ages thinking about the relationship between Scourge and me (or at least it feels like that), but I finally came to the conclusion that our fight was my fault.

When I accidentally run into him, I don't want to think about that kind of thing any longer and I apologize as quickly as I'm able to. "Scourge, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't want to upset you ... a-and ... you know, the problem about the kits has disappeared already..." I don't tell him anything about my _meeting_ with Ame – it seems so far away that I believe I was just imagining things. My mind could have been messing with me. Or maybe I'm just suffering from rape fantasy. Tch. Not that I think rape was erotic.

Surprisingly, Scourge smiles at me in his usual way, as if there had never happened something bad between us. "Thank you, Brick," he sighs softly. "I wanted to apologize to you earlier, but I didn't dare. I was sure you'd refuse me."

"My precious idiot." I try expressing my amusement facially, but it doesn't really work out. "How would I do that? All my kits died. I needed someone to love me before I turn totally loveless."

"Now you found me. Hopefully not too late."

Scourge is still smiling at me – as seductive as always, of course – when all of a sudden a red flash of light crosses his irises and he shivers. "Ah... ouch! What is that?"

My eyes widen. "Hold on, Scourge! What's up?"

He shakes his head and I see his eyes are the same icy blue color as always. Weird ... am I actually suffering from paranoia or something? I'm not the only one to seem relieved though. Scourge also sighs, "It's okay. But I really wonder what has just happened."

"You don't need to worry, I guess. Whatever it was; it can't be that dangerous. Otherwise we would no longer be able to talk to each other." I force a smile onto my face.

But I had no idea how wrong I was about it wasn't dangerous ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story really suffers from atmosphere switches - the last chapter like, "fuck life" and now it's all happy-go-lucky. (And yeah, I made Scourge absolutely OOC on purpose this time.) But don't worry, it won't last long; you probably predicted that already.  
> I had a note about the next chapters on my notebook, featuring two versions. Quotation:
> 
> _First: Scourge and Brick are together forever and ever, take drugs and are happy to fuck around with each other.  
>  Second: Scourge becomes the slave of my OC, him and Thistleclaw die and Brick's coupled with either Ashfur or Ame._
> 
> Let's just feel relieved that none of them became real. |D  
> Oh, and thanks for all the kudos! It makes me really happy. ^-^


	31. Deadly Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick just doesn't seem to have any pleasant dreams at all.

_"Better get your fucking hands off him, little stone bitch!," a voice breathes into my ear._

_"I am called Brick, not stone bitch!!," I hiss loudly. "And most importantly, who for the bottom of hell are you?!"_

_"The bottom of hell?," the thing repeats my words. "You're good at guessing things, huh?" A tight grip seals my neck. "But it doesn't matter either way 'cause you're gonna die now, cunt!"_

_"Kh...! Wh... what do you mean by I am good at guessing things...?!" I gasp under the things that feel like hands and try to stop myself from gagging because of the enormous pain._

_"Guess what." A laughter dissenters from the thing upon me. "I am your personified nightmare. I am neither a bitchy girl nor am I a dick controlled guy, I am neither a human nor am I a cat; I am neither sane nor am I insane, I am neither sadistic nor am I masochistic, I am neither you nor am I one of your oh-so-precious friends. I am the riddle you are unable to solve with your dull mind. I am the angel that has fallen from heaven to save you from your sickening little life!"_

_A painful "crack" sound is audible from my neck._

A scream makes its way out of my mouth and I sit in my den, shivering and shaking from the probably worst nightmare I've ever had.

"My ... personified nightmare ...," is the only thing I'm able to get out.

I'm not able to throw off the thought that something really bad is about to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's my Goddess of all the evil characters I've ever invented. Ain't she a sweet little shit? Rather not, no. Duh. (￣▽￣*)ゞ But yes, this is a female. As in, not agender or something.  
> Geez, explaining the antagonist's gender identity to your readers feels quite awkward. *drop*


	32. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick's life is slowly becoming even more of a nightmare. But for now, there's still someone to save her.

"Hey Brick. Are you all right? You seem pretty nervous."

I jump and turn around to face Angel. Her yellow eyes gleam with worry and her tail tip shakes slightly. "Ah..." I start processing what she said and nod. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, Angel."

A few days have passed since I had that dream, and I feel like there's always a presence near me. Something scary and intriguing. It frightens me so badly that I always look behind me to find out whether I'm followed by something. I must appear kinda paranoid.

Angel forces herself to stop staring at me by glancing to the side and says, "Mh. Okay. Whatever. If there's something wrong, you can always talk to me, you know?"

"Yes. Thank you." I bow my head to her and watch as she walks away. Angel is one of the very few cats I trust. I don't want her to be endangered just because she's worried about me.

"Brick. Hello."

My ears twitch at the sound of this recognizable voice and I turn around once again. "Hello, Scourge! How are you?," I ask with a smile.

Scourge returns it not that emotionally, but the caring look in his eyes gives him away. "I'm fine. You look just like the sunshine, as always."

My heart skips a beat and my fur suddenly feels too hot for me. I barely notice how my lover gives me a gentle kiss. It's just... What is this feeling...? I ... Scourge has never made me heat up like this ...! "Scourge...," my lips whisper before I'm able to control it. "I want to be ... completely yours..."

"Brick, I–" Scourge is cut off by a red flash of color crossing his blue eyes. He pauses with his eyes closed, and mine widen in shock when I see that he's drifting away from me.

"No! Wait!!," I scream at the top of my lungs. "Scourge!"

His eyes open again far away from me and I see they're glowing in a red light.

"Now, now, Stone Bitch," a familiar voice remarks. "He doesn't belong to you any longer. He's mine now. My servant."

"You–!!," I hiss.

Before I even know what happens, we're all three changed into humans.

A slender, androgynous person with black wings and a sword in their hand appears in front of me. "Your life has lasted the longest time," they mutter with a low, kinda female voice. She (?) raises the sword ...

"No! Mom!!" All of a sudden, a human version of Ame jumps in front of me, his arms crossed in front of his face. Blood splatters up as the blade meets his flesh. A pained groan escapes his throat, but nevertheless, he turns around. "Mom, are you alright?," he asks me, ignoring the deep cuts on his forearms.

"Y-yes," I stutter. "But you mustn't sacrifice yourself for me– Watch out!!" I try pushing Ame aside, but I'm not quick enough. That thing's sword slashes his shoulder, a few blood drops sprinkle onto my cheek. I can't hold back my urge to scream any longer. "Why are you doing this?! You monster!!"

"Haven't I already told you? I'm saving you from your disgusting, unimportant little life. Be at least a little grateful. By the way, you should call me Xitan for the final part of your life. It's the Hausa word for 'demon'. Beautiful, right?" An even more demonic smile spreads on this demonic creature's lips.

"No!! I don't give a flying fuck on what you wish for or what you think is beautiful!," I yell at it.

"That's a real pity." Xitan raises the sword again and I try to place myself in front of Ame, with minor success. "Because I think blood is also beautiful." Just one move, too quick for me to even notice its destination, a tortured scream, fluttering black wings, and that demon disappears faster than anything I've seen.

Still panting and shaking from the encounter, I don't even dare to change my position. After a moment, I notice that Ame's weight against my back is gone.

"What...?" I turn around slowly, not sure if I want to know what sight will greet me. My eyes widen in shock. "Oh my Goodness! Why?! Tell me why!" I fall to my knees, staring at my son in horror. Apart from the still bleeding cuts on his arms and his shoulder, there's another deep wound leading from shortly under his throat until down to his stomach.

"M ... Mom ...," Ame whispers, his closed eyes fluttering open again. "At least I could save you. Take this as an apology for the things I did in order to follow my master." His voice cracks and he coughs violently. Blood trickles down his chin.

I can't take my eyes off him. "Ame...! Ame, you have to survive!," my emotions burst out of me. "No matter what happened between us, you're still my son, and I don't want you to die just to satisfy a fucking demon! You are too young to sacrifice yourself for your good-for-nothing mother! Hey, _listen up_!!" I raise my voice once again as I notice Ame is about to faint. "Ame!!"

A little smile steals onto his lips. "Thanks, Mom. You've finally called me by my name. Now I'm able to get the peace I've been looking ... for ..." He trails off, his eyes losing their light and drifting shut. "Goodbye."

"No! Ame, wait! Wake up! You have to stay here!" My screams don't have the slightest effect. His heart stopped beating.

I can't hold back any longer and burst into tears. Crying like that by the side of my son's corpse, I don't even notice that Scourge has disappeared along with Xitan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although I really don't want to interrupt any possible feels caused by this (Hey, lemme keep my dreams!), I just can't resist writing a note here.  
> Hell yeah, this chapter (specifically Ame's death scene) just so reminds me of the first episode of Owari no Seraph. I mean, it sounds like I was working with quotes or something! Ame here was like, "Thanks, Mom. You've finally called me by my name" and Mika in OnS was like, "That was the first time you called us a family". Oh great. That wasn't done on purpose, I swear to Apollo. Those kinds of scenes so ruin me. (Oh, and btw, I also imagined the characters here with the voices from OnS. RIP me.)  
> I guess I'm done with my fangirl sobbing now, so ... uh ... hope you enjoyed?  
>   
>  **Edit:** And yes, of course Brick's "I want to be completely yours" line is just a more poetic way of saying, "I want you to fuck me".


	33. I'd Die For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once the wave of death has begun, it's not going to stop anymore. That's what everybody has to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ashfur's point of view. Man, this chapter made me suffer a bit. So much tragedy.

I lay in my den, shivering nervously. My mind has followed Brick during her fight with Xitan, and during Ame's death. I'm worried about what that might do to her mental health... But the most unnerving thing about this is how easily Xitan could control Scourge. He might be her – or his, I don't really care – servant now for what know I how much time.

"Hey, Ashfur. How are you doing?," a too well-known voice calls out to me.

"Ah..." The reserved tone in it causes me to cringe. That can't be him. Scourge wouldn't talk to me like that, not even after all the things that happened between us. Anyway, I get up and smile at him. "Hi, Scourge. I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"But I should worry. Life can be really dangerous at times, you know?" For a short moment, the aloof expression in his now red eyes seems to fade, but not for long. The only familiar thing about his face is his smile. That one smile I've always loved so much and I'll be addicted to for all my life. Whatever Scourge is right now, I don't think I could ever let him go. I even have to admit that I sometimes still end up thinking about how we had-

I blush under my fur at that thought. _I should forbid myself such a thing!! He isn't himself, remember that, Ashfur!_ I manage to pull off a blunt nod and even keep smiling. "Yes, you're absolutely right. It isn't always a good thing to trust others. You're referring to the incident about Brick and her son, right?" A heavy sigh escapes my lips, and I'm not even sure whether or not I'm serious about it.

"Yes." All of a sudden, Scourge closes nearly the complete distance between our faces. "Such a tragedy, huh?"

_Is he trying to test me? About what?_ I unwillingly tilt my head to the side, avoiding to look at him. His eyes frighten me. They show me that he's disappeared from me now. We will never share our lives again. Drowned in these thoughts, I even forget showing a reaction.

"Ashfur, dear, what's up?," Scourge's voice captures my consciousness once again. "You aren't scared, are you?"

I mentally refuse to react, but the way I act shows what my answer would be. I'm trembling. Trembling because I'm just so scared, too much to put it into words any longer.

"Why would you be scared? Why would you even distrust me?," he questions me about more things I don't want to answer. "The Ashfur I know would never do such a thing to me."

I flinch at that. How is he even able to say that straight to my face?! "Listen, Scourge, times have changed–!" My body tenses up, but it's too late to escape his move before he buries his fangs in my throat.

"That's the price you pay for your lack of faith," he whispers, voice muffled by my fur.

There is an incredible pressure in my mind that somehow makes my lose my wish to live on. I know that I'll never appear again if I die now (I'm a ghost, after all), but strangely, the idea of saying farewell to this world forever doesn't affect me at all. "Alright. Do what you want." I choke out these words before I'm even able to realize what exactly I am saying here.

"As you wish," is Scourge's only cold reply. Then he bites me with all his strength.

Eyes fluttering shut, I calmly notice the darkness consuming me. I'll see what's about to happen to me now. _If_ there is anything about to happen to me.

My sight in the darkness clears up a little. I see Scourge and a young version of myself, and I remark that this must definitely be a vision of my life to show me why things had to go this way.

"I love you so much that I'd die for you," my younger self tells Scourge.

Then it's all dark again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh, flashbacks always make stuff more feelsy. And now my last gay shipping in this fic is gone, that's such an awful thing I've done. My yaoi shipper heart is gonna break.  
> Or not.


	34. Traitor's Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brick's last little shimmer of hope in her life drifts away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brick's point of view again!

"Ah!!"

A painful sting goes through my heart. It feels like I've lost someone dear to me, but ... why am I able to feel that? And the most important thing is, why ... why is all of this happening? Why does it seem like we're all going to die?

A quiet rustling sound comes from behind me and I whirl around. "Who's there?," I hiss into the shadows.

"Hello, Brick." Scourge appears in front of me and smiles a ... rather gross kind of smile. But maybe it's just because I think of everything as gross at the moment.

"Hi, Scourge." I force a smile as well.

His smile becomes brighter as he says, "I have something to tell you."

"Really?" My heart skips a beat in anticipation and I look at him in an honestly excited way. "What is it?"

"I hate you."

"Aww, Scourgey, that's just too lo–" I shut my mouth, just now realizing what he said. "Eh, wait a moment. What?!"

"I hate you," Scourge repeats his statement with a firm, upright tone to his voice, a tone that tells me how serious he is about it. "You're such a slut, having every guy you cross paths with screw you. Even if it's your own son." He stares at me, his eyes glowing in a dull red. "You are so disgusting. Just go. Make use of yourself and die."

I feel as if he hit me right into the gut (if I were still human). My brain tries to process what he's just said, but it doesn't really work out, and I finally get out a lamely acted laughing fit. "Ah ha ha ha ha, now I get it... You're just kidding, right? Please never do something like this again, I was close to believing it!"

"You whore!!," Scourge starts screaming in sudden rage. "Stop acting so ridiculous! I'm absolutely serious about what I said!"

I stumble backwards. Yes, I knew he was serious, but there was still a little spark of hope for me to hold onto. "Y-you really are honest about this." This realization hits me like a brick – how ironic.

"That means..." I pause and try desperately to keep my tears back. After taking a deep breath, I make sure to talk without my voice shaking. "That means you don't need me, right?"

A slight hint of doubt flickers across his face for less than a second, but then he just starts grinning like a maniac. "Totally right."

I turn around and walk away from him. Then one thing comes to my mind. "Hey, Scourge. One last thing." I look at him over my shoulder. "Where's Ashfur?"

"He isn't here any longer." Scourge says these words completely calm, as if he forgot or didn't care about the fact that he had been Ashfur's lover in the past. "But don't worry about him. His life was a rather hard one, and he might have some peace now after all the time. He was released from his suffering."

_So he's dead..._ , I translate Scourge's words in my mind. He was probably the one who killed Ashfur. How could he...? "That's a good thing," I press out of my mouth, resisting the urge to throw up from the thought of how unworthy my life has become. "Well ...I have some business to do. Goodbye, Scourge."

Then I start running, a solid decision in my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh DAMN, we're already close to the end of this story... There's just a few chapters left. *sighs* I might end up being pretty lost without having to update this.  
> Oh, but Scourge appears so badass in this chapter, doesn't he? :D


	35. Devious Being

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scourge realizes he has done something awfully wrong, but ... is he able to take his words back?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scourge's point of view. Yee-haw.

“Alright, just go...” This is the last thing coming out of my mouth, then my maniacal grin fades and I stare at the path Brick disappeared over.

“B... Brick?,” I whisper, struck by strong and utter shock and disgust about myself. The constantly whispering voice in my brain stopped, and I'm left alone with the sounds of the forest. “Dammit!!,” I curse. “Xitan, just what the bloody hell did you do to me again?!” _And most importantly, what did you make me do to Brick?_ , is what I add in my mind.

I don't get an answer, of course.

A light instinct tells me to look after her, so I start running and follow her smell. She's pretty fast; I almost lose track of her more than one time.

It badly disturbs me that her path leads out of the forest and right towards a thunder way. But when I arrive there, I still can't see her anywhere – it seems that she just walked along the street. I let out a little sigh of relief; perhaps I was just thinking the worst again and Brick is perfectly fine.

And yet, I can't shake off my worry about her, so I keep following her. As for herself, she kept following the thunder way. It takes a turn to the right after a while and leads right towards a bridge.

_Uh? A bridge? Doesn't that mean...?_ I freeze in my movement for a few seconds, then I start running. _Shit!_

And I am right.

The bridge leads across a river, and that's where Brick's track ends. I look up and down the stream of water in a desperate try to find her. I even use the boulders laying in the water to get into the middle of the river, but I still can't – oh fictional StarClan.

A familiar light brown fur catches my sight.

I jump from stone to stone, tripping and almost falling over more than one time. After what seems like a whole life, I finally reach her.

It really is Brick. Her fur is dripping wet; one half of her body lays on the sandy shore, the other half still in the water. Her face is covered in dirt on the side where it meets the ground, and her green eyes are widened in what seems like shock. I can't discover the littlest motion of her chest.

“Brick...?,” I whisper quietly.

The only response I get is a little wave of the river moving her legs. This time, she really passed away.

While I still stare at her corpse, trying to get this fact into my head, a dark presence builds up behind me. I turn around as quickly as I'm able to without stepping into the water. My gaze meets the one of the black panther who stands now in front of me. “Xitan. Why did you want her to die? And why did you use me to cause her death?”

A smile seems to build up on the demonic lips. “Now, now. Pretty pissed, aren't we? What's the big deal?”

“You seriously ask me what the big deal is?!,” I yell. “Is this one of your fucking jokes again or do you really mean this?”

“Tch. You're still just another generic terrestrial being.” Xitan snorts out a laughter or something similar to one. “I was indeed serious. Why are you so angry? She's just dead. That's nothing to whine about.” I try to start explaining it to her again, but she already interrupts me. “Just succumb to the darkness again. Then you won't have to plead about unimportant little thingies any longer.”

I'm not able to look away anymore. Her eyes have already locked themselves with mine, and I give up struggling against the burning pain that seems to crush my own brain. My eyes start glowing the despicable red again, then I step towards my master and leave Brick's dead body behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got an acceptable internet access now!! *cheers* And guess what that means? Faster updates, right! Well, at least theoretically. In case I'm not too lazy and / or swallowed up by my fucking school life. The story is almost over anyway.  
> But ... no matter how much I usually hate advertising stuff: If you don't have a problem with stories about depression and homosexuality, then you could check out my newest story "make it stop, make it end" http://archiveofourown.org/works/7749445 which I have worked pretty hard on. Every hit means something to me! Thanks in advance!


	36. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do creatures from Hell know what regret is? And what about the servants of theirs?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scourge's still telling you the story. Short chapter, yeah.

My fur feels somewhat sticky when I lay down next to Xitan. I feel like I was cursed – Brick and Ashfur are dead, and it's all my fault. Maybe StarClan does exist. Maybe this is their way of punishing me for what I've done.

“Is everything alright, my dear servant?,” Xitan asks me. “Don't regret the sins you've committed. There's no time for such things, and no place in this world for wimps who feel sorry about the things they did. Trust me, I know very well what I'm talking about.”

I gaze up at her, but she refuses any eye contact. “You say that although you're the one who's responsible for my actions?,” I ask.

“Of course I do. The fine difference between us is that I don't get into trouble with my conscience because I don't know such a thing.” Xitan grins, her fangs glinting in the sunlight for a moment.

A shiver runs down my spine, and I look away. “But... don't you regret some of the things you've done in your life? Everybody does. It's just a normal thing to feel that way, I think.”

Xitan's dark red demon eyes focus on me for a split-second. “I hope you don't expect me to answer that heroically dumb question of yours. Besides, I believe you forgot about the fact that I'm not able to feel anything,” she murmurs.

“Yeah, right...” I have to hold back a snappy comment on how that's probably the reason why she was able to make me kill the ones most important to me. “I indeed forgot about that, my dear master.”


	37. World's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter what happens to the world - love will exist for all eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told from Angel's point of view this time!

When I open my eyes, Thistleclaw is already awake and stares up at the sky. The damage that has come upon the forest can't be overseen; the sky is almost black and the sun illuminates the twisted landscape in an unnatural green light.

Thistleclaw and I have pretty much stumbled upon each other when we were looking for a save refuge, but I learned that he's nothing like the cat I was told about by Brick and the others. I trust him. Whenever we're near each other, I feel safe – as if there's nothing that could endanger me.

“Shit,” he mutters. His ears are pressed flat against his head in anger. “I'll so kill this fucking demon one day.”

I gently rise to my feet. Getting up has become a little difficult in the past few weeks because of my swollen stomach, but that doesn't mean I'm sick – anything but that. I slowly walk over to him, then I touch his fur with my nose. “Don't be that upset about it all. We still have each other, you know?”

“I know.” Thistleclaw seems to be biting back a growl before he continues, “But that's no use if we both die.”

I take a step back. Although I should be used to it by now, it's still kind of painful when Thistleclaw just can't approve of the things we have at the moment. “But...,” I try and complain. “Don't you think that would be romantic? Together in death?”

He chuckles quietly. “That's exactly why your name fits you like no other; you're always able to look at the bright side of life. I am not capable of that.”

I look away, embarrassed. This is just Thistleclaw with his implicit attractiveness. “But it's true. I'm pregnant, so stop hating on everything.”

“Okay, you're right. I'll try, for your sake.” Thistleclaw brushes his tail tip over my cheek, sending a shiver of pleasure down my spine. “I'll protect you for as long as we have to hide from the world – and longer. Until forever is over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this, the story is over. 37 chapters and nearly 3 years of work are finished. I have no idea what to do with my life now.  
> Angel and Thistleclaw ending up as a couple was what my friend (the one who invented Angel) wanted. As I already ignored her wish for Angel's introduction in the story, I was like, "Okay. This is finally something I can do." I suck at romance though, as you've probably noticed. (I always attempt at writing it anyway. And I'm prepared for my hilarious failures.)  
> Well, I hope you enjoyed reading this story at least a little bit. In case anybody has read until here, I mean. That does take lots of courage, I suppose... Whatever. Bye-bye, and maybe we're going to read each other some time again! ^-^


End file.
